Tales from a Barfly – 1st June, 2014

Tales from a Barfly


Two Bars and Four Fights

As the month drew to a close we did have a number of somewhat unsavoury incidents.

Fight number one …

…involved one of my regulars, who arrived late one evening , in a somewhat inebriated state, (par for the course for him), ordered a drink and sat down looking extremely agitated.

After about 20 minutes, he paid  his bill and was on the way out when all hell suddenly broke loose between him and one of the girls in the adjacent bar.

I didn’t see the start of the incident, but the screaming and shouting brought it to my attention, and I could see that the guy had a bottle in his hand and was engaged in a fight with one (or more) of the girls in the next bar– all of them astride my dividing perimeter.

It was beginning to look quite nasty, when one of the larger customers in the next door bar came over and hugged the drunk around his waist and gently led him out to his motor bike, and after a while he calmed down and drove off.

I later learned that he had been refused a drink in the adjacent bar and somehow this had probably triggered the problem.

The next day he was back in my bar and I told him that if he had another fight in my bar he would be banned. We almost came to blows when I told him he had a bottle in his hand, and he insisted that he had wrested the bottle from one of girls. I didn’t see him do that but gave him the benefit of the doubt, but he continued to rail at me for accusing him of trying to use the bottle as a weapon.

The squabble eventually calmed down, but I confess I will be happier when this particular punter gets the message that he is not exactly welcome at  Mobi’s…. if not, I will have to take matters into my own, ageing hands….


Fight number two…

…involved the infamous Singha John. I was not there, so I can only recount the incident second hand.

One of our customers had parked his truck partly in front of the adjacent bar and also fairly close to Singha John’s CRV.

Now, for the benefit of my non-Thailand readers, I should explain that there is an unwritten law in Thailand that the public areas in front of bars, shops or places of business should be kept free for customers of those establishments.

This practice is  unenforceable in law as the roads are public places and anyone may park wherever they wish, providing there are no parking restrictions. It is the same outside the bars on the lake. The area immediately fronting onto the road is a public area where anyone may park.

But those who have lived and driven in Thailand for any length of time will be very much aware that parking in the wrong place can sometimes cause much aggravation, and many is the time when I have personally  been asked to move my car as it is encroaching on a shop or a bar’s ‘private parking area’. Failure to do so can turn quite nasty and a common outcome is for the ‘perpetrator’ to return to his vehicle and find some nasty scratches on the vehicle bodywork.

Since we have opened Mobi’s, there have been any number of punters who have parked in ‘my area’ and then walked into the next bar along. I have said nothing – it’s no big deal as there’s loads of space to park if you drive past the three bars and take a 50 meter walk.

Notwithstanding the fact that any number of cars have parked in ‘my space’, the drunk took great exception to one of my customers encroaching on what he considered ‘his territory’ ,and started to berate them from the other bar. He not only complained that they had parked in ‘his’ bar territory, but that they had also blocked him in.

Both claims were ridiculous – he eventually drove away with no problems – but it was the time of day when Singha John was pissed at a newt and he exploded at them.

Little Noo, who has developed a severe an venomous hatred for this particularly obnoxious farang, soon joined the fray and screamed at him to come into her bar so that she could deal with him in the time honoured fashion, with her two henchwomen waiting in the wings with suitable weapons, should Noo be not up to the task by herself.

Of course, the 6 ft, 90 kilo coward refused the invitation to come into Mobi’s parlour; after all, Noo is all of 4ft 11 ins and 46 kilos of menacing Thai woman hood.

I wouldn’t fancy my chances either.

The drunk went screaming and shouting to his car, reversed out and then drove alongside Mobi’s, opened the front door and continued his threatening tirade. Noo walked over to the car, and told him to ‘get lost’, (well… she didn’t use quite that choice of words), slammed the door in his face and he finally drove off.

I wonder how long it will be before he kills someone in his daily drunken driving…. 

Noo called me and asked me to come to the bar as she was concerned that the customers who Singha John had been shouting  at might be a bit put out.

It turned out that the four customers were all bar owners – do doubt checking out the opposition – and they assured me that it was no bother, that they had seen it all before, and that my little fiery cashier was more than capable of dealing with the matter. Let the Thais sort it was their dictum.

I bought them a round of drinks and one and all were happy.

A post script to the Singha John incident is that last night we had yet another bar manager enjoying himself in our bar, and when he came to leave he told me quite frankly that he and his friends had been told some very bad things about me by Singha John, so he had finally decided to come and check it out himself.

So I’m definitely not making it up about this SOB….


Fight number three…

…well an incident rather than a fight, concerned a customer inside my bar. He took exception to another customer parking his car too close to his motorbike and was threatening blue murder to the unsuspecting newcomer, when a friend prevailed upon the belligerent motorcyclist to let it go.

Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.


Last but not least is the tale of the brawling bar girl.

This particular lady works in the adjacent bar and has the horrendous habit of shrieking at the top of her voice every time she gets drunk – which is just about every day. One evening, she was standing a couple of feet from me and she suddenly let out a shriek so loud that it actually hurt my ears!

Late last night, after all the punters had left she was in fine form. She put on some loud Thai music, and every time a new track started she would shriek approval at the top of her voice.

Closing time came and went and we were busily checking the day’s takings when it suddenly sounded as though world war three had broken out.

The girl was leaning across the perimeter dividing the two bars, and was doing her best to destroy one of my tables, while at the same time screaming and crying. She was absolutely paralytic.

My own ladies quickly pushed her away from our bar whereupon she proceeded to start trashing her own bar, throwing around everything within reach.

Eventually she started on one of the girls’ motorcycles parked nearby whereupon on one of the sober girls wrestled her to her knees and two more jumped on her.

But fuelled by alcohol she wasn’t about to be subdued and she shook off her attackers and returned to her attempts to wreck the motor bike. A Thai boyfriend of one of the girls arrived on the scene and set about beating the drunken woman with a large piece of wood. The girl went down and the others jumped on her and pinned her to the ground. Every time they relaxed their grip she tried to free herself and screamed.

It was time to go and as I drove home she was still pinned to the road, moaning and yelling and trying to get free.

Noo came home 15 minutes later and told me that the cops had arrived and were having just as much trouble restraining the girl as the bar girls had been experiencing.

I will report back what eventually happened next week. Probably not a lot – its not exactly an uncommon occurrence in Thailand.

After all, my own ex –wife, the redoubtable Dang, was not averse to pulling similar drunken stunts. Many was the time when she not only smashed up my car, but also my home, my  furniture, TV’s and she even threw my personal papers, passport, mobile phone etc into the swimming pool.

On one memorable occasion she was in such a drunken fury that she even pulled all the plants out of the ground in and threw them around our garden in a state of frenzy.

Yes, been there seen that…

I actually believe that such behaviour by these women when drunk is probably the result of some severe traumas in their childhood. I know my wife had many such traumas, including seeing her father shot dead in front of her when she was nine years old.

So I always try to bring a sense of perspective to these unpleasant events.

It’s never dull in sunny Thailand … especially if you own a bar…


Actually there was yet another unsavoury incident, but it’s gone 5 pm so I’ll leave it till next week…


MAB mini pic

2 thoughts on “Tales from a Barfly – 1st June, 2014”

  1. Hi Mobi,

    Been awhile since I last read your blog. I believe the last time I dropped in you were visiting the U.K. Anyway for whatever reason I thought I would look in again. Seems that so much as happened to you since then. First up my condolences on the loss of your dog, Cookie. The biggest surprise is that you have opened a bar, so best of luck with that. I’m sure you will make that a success (within the parameters of you only wanting to pay your bills and provide employment for some family members). I thought it interesting that you were the only nearby bar providing food. May I suggest that you invest in a George Foreman type grill. These are not expensive and require no real cooking skills. Burgers are easy and quick to cook from frozen as are the buns, so no waste. So not only are you doing hotdogs, but burgers as well. Don’t think you can go wrong with giving it a go. The grills go for between £30 to £70 in the UK. Anyway just a thought and all the best.


    1. Hi Dan, thank you for your kind comments and good wishes

      Burgers are on my list of ‘possibles’ to try out in the near future and thanks for the suggestion.

      I might well give them a go.



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