Stop Press – Lottery Win Destroys the Business of Two Bars in one night! – 8th June, 2014


Stop Press – Lottery win destroys the business of two bars in one night!

Yes, folks it’s true – not one, but two bars’ businesses fell by the wayside, all because of one little lottery win of a mere 10,000 Baht (200 quid).

By way of an introduction, I will relate what happened when none other than my little Noo won about 14,000 Baht a few weeks ago.

She was so happy with her win that she bought a round of drinks for all the girls at the bar and spent large amounts of her winnings to treat all her friends and relatives. I reckon by the time she had finished celebrating she was lucky to have half of her winnings remaining intact.

I tried to chide her over her profligacy, but she would have none of it, even though, as many of my readers will know, we are not exactly in the best of straights financially, and all that money could have been put to much better use; but what could I say or do?

It is a Thai custom….apparently….

Today (or yesterday as I am writing this at 1 a.m, Noo went to the bar as usual in mid-afternoon, with me scheduled to follow at my usual time of around 5.30 p.m.

I was busy on my computer at 5 p.m. when she called and asked me if I could hurry to the bar as she was a little drunk!!!

She rang off before I could question her further, and when I arrived about 20 minutes later I encountered a scene of utter desolation.

The lone customer – one of my friends – told me that everyone was drunk and a quick recky around the bar soon confirmed my worst fears.

Noo was in the process of throwing up in the sink, a second girl was lying on the floor gurgling, and yet a third was fighting a losing battle to stay on her feet.

Noo’s aunt, was the only one with any semblance of control, was busy ministering cold towels and God knows what else to the three paralytic girls.

It soon became clear that the aunt was also drunk, but being a little older and no doubt a little wiser, she was more in control of herself and was still able to act more like a functioning human being – well sort of.

She kept telling me,

Mai ben Lai, Mobi, Mai ben Lai, Mobi…’

 (Never mind, never mind…)

Mai bpen lai indeed!!!!

The entire staff were as pissed as newts and we still had an evening’s business to get through.

The aunt tried to do everything by herself, as well as taking care of the drunken women, and after a while she succeeded in getting two of them to lay down on the floor behind the bar to sleep it off. The third drunk refused to lie down and insisting dancing around the bar like a raving dervish, and after a while started to strip off her clothes in some kind of a drunken strip tease show.

First her bra, then a pair of nickers, were flung on the bar and I screamed at Auntie to come and do something – quickly!!

‘Do something! Do Something!’ I screamed at her, in Thai.

Having persuaded the errant lady to put some of her clothes back on, the aunt returned to the bar and told me not to worry and that she could run things by herself…..

Easier said than done.

The punters started to arrive and it soon became a farce as everyone was given the wrong drinks, empty bottles cluttered up the tables and bill tabs were put in the wrong bill pots.

I actually felt sorry for her until I discovered that it was her – auntie –who had been the cause of all this mayhem.

I had assumed from something that Noo had said over the phone that it had been a customer who had been plying them with drinks that afternoon,  but I now learned that it was auntie who had won 200 quid on the lottery and it was her who had started ringing the bell like crazy. Ringing the bell means free drinks for the whole house.

The other girls, who have been doing very well on ‘lady’s drinks’ and ‘other activities’ over the past few days were also flush with money and joined in the merriment.

They had all been trying to outdo each other in the act of ringing the bell that would have made the bell ringers at my local church back home in Blighty green with envy.

It was clearly the white wine that had done the damage – although I still don’t know what else they had been consuming – as they had been gulping the wine down like water.

So I had a pretty pickle on my hands. I had to go around apologising for the lack of staff and for the drunken, strip-teasing young lady who insisted on making a nuisance of herself, and a still drunken auntie who kept getting all the orders confused.  

All this time, ‘yours truly’ was valiantly attempting to keep everything on an even keel.

In spite of the slow service, bill confusion and general lack of proper service things might have slowly calmed down if it hadn’t been for the fact that auntie had also included the girls at the adjacent bar in her generous free drink, ‘ring the bell’ largesse.

Some of you may recall my ‘Bar Fly’ tale of last week when I wrote under ‘Two Bars and Four Fights’ the tale of the brawling bargirl in the bar next door.

To my horror I discovered that lovely auntie had already bought this girl several glasses of wine; she was well on the way to another brawling performance, and was screaming at the top of her voice.

My horror and anger went to a new level when I realised that the brawling girl and my drunken strip tease girl were laughing together across the bar divide and were sipping on two fresh glasses of white wine filled to their brims.

I rushed over, seized the glasses and threw the wine away and told them under no circumstances to drink another drop.

I had thought that was the end of the matter, but ten minutes later auntie was in the process of selling the brawling girl yet another glass of wine, when I stopped her in her tracks.

Brawling bar girl entered my bar and started regaling with me with insults at my refusal to let her buy a drink. With my friend’s help we managed to persuade her to eff off, but I feared the worst.

I had seen how she had behaved a week earlier when she had done 20,000 Baht’s worth of damage to her own place of work and on that occasion she had to be held down by five persons. I knew we hadn’t seen the end of her.

She went back to her own bar, but from time to time I could hear her drunken screams which told me that she was still drinking and getting ever more inebriated.

I knew her tipping point was close, and I removed my table and stools from their normal position against the bar perimeter and waited. (The previous week, she had sent the table flying in a drunken rage.)

The evening finally exploded in a way I hadn’t expected. My brief state of well-being was shattered when one of my customers started shouting at her.

I looked up and saw her sitting on the bonnet of his BMW which had been parked on the public land near to the bar where she worked.

He had asked her politely to get off whereupon she had become enraged and let forth a tirade of abuse at him.

‘You not park your car properly on my property….I can do whatever I effing like.., ‘You go back your own country – you effing Englishman.’

(For the record he was German and the car was perfectly parked, and it certainly wasn’t her property)

The man became incensed and started shouting at her and before long the entire occupants of two bars were engaged in a drunken shouting match – with 99 % of the abuse aimed at the drunken girl, but she was having none of it.

To make matters worse, when the man decided to move his car to prevent any further problems , the girl took a mighty kick at the front bumper and  all hell broke loose.

The man demanded that the police be called.

I demanded that the bar owner fire the girl as she had ruined my night’s business.

Noo had woken up and started to shouting at the girl.

I shouted at Noo to go back to sleep.

One of my customers, who was watching the women’s tennis final closely, as he had a punt on the result, was so incensed at the interruptions to his tennis that he asked me what would happen to him if he knocked out the ‘drunken bitch’.

And so on and so forth….

More of my customers wanted to kill her – or at least do her bodily damage – but common sense thankfully prevailed.

The new owner of the next-door bar was totally out of depth. She was only a diminutive 5 ft nothing and she would have been no match for the large, alcohol-fuelled, brawling bar girl if she had attempted to intervene or fire her. (which she didn’t even attempt to do).

Auntie called the police.

The girl continued to swear and shout and one and all, and every few minutes my customers would get riled up by her drunken insults and tried to go after her and teach her a lesson. Fortunately I managed to persuade them to leave it to the police.

20 minutes later, no less than half a dozen uniformed cops turned up on motor bikes.

A crowd assembled on the road to greet them and I stayed behind with my customers.

The BMW owner went to talk to the police.

Predictably, ‘brawling bar’ girl started a fight with the cops!

Much voluble discussion ensued and I noticed that we had attracted quite a crowd of Thai bystanders on the lake side of the road who had gathered to watch the late night ‘entertainment’.

If I’d had my wits about me I should have offered to sell them some refreshments – but there again – all my staff were either asleep or paralytic.

The BMW owner returned to the bar looking very pleased with himself.

It transpired that the girl had picked a fight with the wrong farang. He had a name-card wallet full of the phone numbers of senior police in Bangkok .

The local police had just wanted the girl to pay for the damage to the car, but the angry German wanted her to spend the night in jail.

The police weren’t keen to do this until Mr ‘BMW’ called one of his Bangkok police friends who then spoke to the local cops on his mobile phone. They all suddenly jumped to attention in mid phone call….

So the cops then told brawling girl she was under arrest and would be taken to spend a night in the poky.

In a twist that could only happen in Thailand, we had to wait for a police truck to arrive to transport her to jail and when half an hour passed with no sign of the truck, the cops got fed up with waiting  and put the girl on the rear seat of one of their bikes.

Off went a large convoy of bikes, which by this time also included the bar owner and the entire staff of the bar next door who were all being escorted to the cop shop to answer questions.  I think I counted 4 girls on one motor bike…

Meanwhile, back at Mobi’s, some of my few customers had left, after paying the wrong amounts. I had to sort it out as best as I could for those remaining, while distributing free beers to anyone who was still thirsty.

How we managed to get through that night to closing time I will never know.

And all this while the most exciting women’s tennis final in years was being played out on Mobi’s TV screens.

So this the true story of how a win on the lottery can almost destroy the business of two bars on one Saturday night.

At the time of writing – 2 a.m –  Noo is cold to the world in bed, and I am busy completing my little anecdote….



We both slept till noon.

Noo was suitably contrite and vowed she would never drink another drop of alcohol.

I told her that Mobi’shas three new rules.

  1. No member of staff is allowed to ‘Ring the bell’ or buy a round of drinks, while on duty. They are all there to work, not to get drunk.
  2. No member of staff is allowed to drink wine in any circumstances as it is very clear that they cannot handle the 12% alcohol in wine. They drink it like water.
  3. No staff member of the adjacent bar is allowed to buy drinks from Mobi’s.

If these rules are broken, I will close the bar.

More next week….




 MAB mini pic

5 thoughts on “Stop Press – Lottery Win Destroys the Business of Two Bars in one night! – 8th June, 2014”

  1. Hi mobi ,I came in on Sunday for a beer and everything was back to normal apart from one seemed to have headache and one belly ache no sight of the mayhem of Saturday night. I miss all the exitement as I only come in the afternoon for a few beers. You have to admit bar life is far from boring but I think think I prefer this side of the bar and come and go as I please. You only live once enjoy it.. Pete


  2. Oh Mobi, the pleasure you have given me over the years. I enjoyed your self destructive tales of drunken mayhem when you were a drinker, I was pleased and intrigued to discover you had managed to find, and retain, sobriety in a place like Pattaya. But your new incarnation as a recovering alcoholic girly bar owner has to be the best. If you want to make money, throw away your pen, buy a video camera and make a reality TV show. It will be a massive hit.


    1. Thanks Tom… not a bad idea, but then I will have to face all the ‘stars’ the next day….and some of them may not be too happy to have their drunken antics plastered all over the internet or TV screens.

      Maybe I can get them to sign a waiver when they order their first drink….


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