Cowgirls crack dicks
Sorry to be so crude, but I’m afraid it’s true
I bet most of you male readers out there didn’t even know that it’s possible to break your beloved penis…
The “Woman on top” position – commonly referred to as the ‘cowgirl’ is the most dangerous sex position, according to a new scientific study, and is responsible for half of all penile fractures that take pace in the bedroom.
The research also revealed that the “doggy-style” position, with women on all fours, is responsible for 29 per cent of penis fractures.
In contrast, the traditional “man on top”, (missionary position), is responsible for just 21 per cent.
Doctors and academics looked at patients attending three A&E units with suspected “penile fractures” over a 13 year period, and half of them reported hearing a crack before experiencing pain, with some also suffering swelling.
The cowgirl is the riskiest sexual position because when a woman is on top, she controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, with the man underneath not being able to stop her if the penis has a ‘wrong way’ penetration. The woman suffers minimal discomfort but major harm can be done to the penis.
When the man is on top, he controls the movement, so he has a better chance of ceasing his entry when he starts to feel pain.
The study, which was carried out in Brazil, found that of 42 men who had attended hospital with fractured dicks – 28 were injured in heterosexual romps, 4 during homosexual intercourse, 6 as a result of “penis manipulation” and 4 in circumstances which were “unclear”.
You have been warned….
Guns, Guns and Guns...
It had to happen… some moron in the gun-loving US of A has tried to claim that the Charlie Hebdo attack would never have occurred if France hadn’t banned guns.
The moron in question is that arrogant, self-publicising scum bag, the one and only Trump the Wig.
I mean how moronic can you get? Thank God Trump was roundly castigated on social media for his inept comments and to be fair, Trump’s opinion stands at odds with many reporters in America’s mainstream media, who have condemned the attacks as “barbaric”.
But Trump the Wig was not without his US supporters, some of which even urged him to run for President.
To those who really believe that arming the public reduces the chance of shooting incidents, may I respectfully ask them, how about :
- That kid who shot his mother dead in an Idaho Walmart recently?
- The Indiana couple who were arrested after filming their one year old daughter with a ‘loaded hand gun in her mouth,
- The nine year old girl who killed her gun instructor in Arizona,
- The FBI report which states that mass killings in America have tripled in recent years with 160 such incidents between 2000 and 2014 resulting in 486 deaths and 557 serious casualties
- In 2014 alone there were 30 deaths from mass shootings in USA
- On average, every two weeks there is a mass shooting, somewhere in America.
Yet that moron would have the world believe that if the French allowed everyone to carry guns, the Charlie Hebro mass shooting would never have happened.
I know, I am flogging a total dead horse here – the gun loving Yanks have been so brain-washed by the incredibly influential American gun lobby that they will vociferously reject any and all criticism of their crazy laws.
In the USA, guns may be bought by pretty much one and all – even online – including coloured guns for kids, (pink for girls, blue for boys), assault rifles, and guns which are effectively fully automatic machine guns.
For a so-called civilised country, which is supposed to be the leader of the free world, I can only shake my head in despair.
This is a country which refuses to give the ‘go ahead’ for the Keystone oil Pipeline because it may harm the environment, yet has gun laws which lead to the mass slaughter of dozens of innocent citizens every year.
For sure things will never change in my life time.
God save Queen Lizzie – and all her right royal hangers-on.
My love and devotion to British Royals continues unabated, and I am delighted to report that one of my all-time favourite hangers-on, – none other than Lizzie’s second born son, is trying gallantly living up to his dual- epithets: “Air-miles Andy” and “Randy Andy”.
It is four years since Air-Miles Andy officially gave up his role as Britain’s roving trade ambassador, yet he is still racking up more air miles than any other member of the Royal family.
He visited 15 countries on ‘working visits’ in 2014, almost four times as many as the heir to the throne, (Baldy Billy), and six more trips than any other member of the Royal family.
In 2014 Randy Andy travelled 66,800 miles by air, the equivalent of circling the globe almost three times, even though his official role is supposed to be focussed on British entrepreneurs, education and science and technology.
It is only fractionally less than the 77,000 miles he travelled in his final year as UK trade ambassador, a role he quit in 2011 because of his links with the convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and other controversial business contacts.
We are told: ‘the trips were a mixture of official engagements on behalf of the government, and either “working trips” or “private trips” which were paid for out of private funds…’
However, Air-miles Andy has no income of his own and has to rely on the patronage of Lizzie, who in turn derives her wealth from land and property income controlled by the Treasury. He also travels with police bodyguards at all times, whose travel costs are directly funded by the taxpayer.
Details of at least one of Air-miles Andy’s visits only emerged last week when a list of official gifts to members of the Royal family was published.
The list of 107 gifts received by him included presents given to him in Bahrain in April, which he was not previously known to have visited. He actually visited Bahrain twice in 2014…you know… Bahrain …where they lock up and torture anyone who criticises the regime…
The list of Air-Miles Andy‘s foreign trips does not include private holidays, when he would also have been accompanied by his police bodyguards.
Randy Andy has been keeping a low profile of late at ‘Royal Lodge’, his home in Windsor, following allegations that he had sex with Virginia Roberts, a 17-year-old “sex slave”, which he has denied.
Ms Roberts claims that Randy Andy had sex with her when she was 17, and filed documents with a Florida court calling for him to be interviewed under oath about their “interactions” in 2001.
A letter was sent to Buckingham Palace making the formal request
The sworn affidavit also reveals she has asked her lawyers to “pursue all reasonable and legitimate means” to have criminal charges brought against the “powerful people” she says she was made to have sex with.
On Wednesday, a website published flight logs from the private jet of Randy Andy’s friend, Jeffrey Epstein – a convicted sex offender – showing Virginia Roberts and Randy Andy were both in the locations where she claims to have had sex with him, at the relevant times.
They were both in London in March 2001, when she claims they first had sex, and in New York and the US Virgin Islands the following month, the locations where she says their other sexual encounters happened.
I don’t know about you, but I reckon Randy Andy deserves another gong or two – how about the Grand knight of the Most ancient Order Of Decadent Squanderers (MOODS for short)
Lizzie could even give an honorary gong to that infamous Yank – Trump The Wig…
And while she’s about it, why not give one to Jeffrey Epstein – after all he’s done his time and deserves a fresh start…. just like the convicted rapist, Ched Evans.