A bit of Darkside Introspection



10 Months, 6 Days; still sober


Yes, there has been yet more Mobi- blog procrastination – occasioned by what?

A number of things I guess.

Firstly, I was ill for a few of days, but who knows, maybe the ‘before’ and ‘after’ effects lasted a lot longer than just a few days.

It all seemed to start with a ‘hypo’ during the small hours. I woke up around 2 a.m. and felt distantly unwell, quickly realising that the cause of my extreme discomfort was a ‘hypo’– low blood sugars. As those familiar with diabetes will know, low blood sugar, or a hypoglycaemic attack can be fatal if not urgently treated.

I quickly checked my blood sugar levels with my meter and confirmed that they were indeed very low, and determining that I was still able to walk, I quickly went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of Kit-Kats, a packet of glucose tablets and a can of Coke and went back to the bedroom where dear Noo was still sound asleep.

A hypo leaves its victim feeling very ‘low’; out of sorts and weak and I find that as I get older, the recovery period is much slower than it used to be. I sat on the bed and swallowed as much of the sugary items I had collected as I was able and after about 30 minutes, my sugar levels started to stabilise and rose a little.

Eventually, when I was feeling a lot better, I lay down and within a short while, was fast asleep.

I was probably asleep about an hour when I suddenly awoke with a start, and realised I had been choking myself to death. I have no idea how it had happened, but somehow, I had been choking, and quite possibly nearly drowning in my own saliva. The saliva seemed to have got into my wind pipe and I couldn’t stop coughing and choking. My heart was racing, I had severe pains in my chest and a terrible sore throat. I must have sat there for about 2 hours, waiting for everything to subside and for my wind pip to clear, which it did eventually.

Noo slept soundly next to, me blissfully unaware of my tribulations.

So for the third time that night, I drifted off to sleep, only to wake after an hour or so feeling very, very ill. I can’t quite put my finger on the problems, but I felt absolutely shitty and my whole body was racked with aches and pains, I had a high fever and felt too ill to do anything. I couldn’t even sleep.

Noo had now woken up and promptly took charge. She urged me to go to hospital, but as I have no faith in any Pattaya hospital, I declined and determined to see it through at home for a day or so and see if I could shake it off.

In the event, I remained feeling pretty bad for the next 48 hours, after which, the fever abated and I slowly recovered.

Looking back, I have no idea if the ‘hypo’ and the severe choking’ incidents were connected with the subsequent bout of fever; maybe they were all coincidences, or maybe that great director of ‘mortal coils’ had decided that my time was up, but some reason, bungled it badly, not once but three times.

The fever and aching limbs reminded me of my dose of dengue fever a few years back, during which I was hospitalised for several weeks and was within a hair’s breadth of dying.

On that occasion I was only diagnosed as having dengue fever after the doc at Bangkok Pattaya hospital had examined me and told me it was the flu and sent me home with some paracetamol. I subsequently had a temperature of 104 F (40C) and had to be rushed by ambulance to Samitivej in Sri Racha where they immediately made the correct diagnosis.

I now think it is likely that I had a relatively mild re-occurrence of dengue fever. The symptoms fit and even the choking could have been due to a build-up of fluid in the chest which is another dengue symptom.

Of course sicknesses like dengue fever are accompanied by depression and it may be that this contributed to the recent ‘down’ state of my mind and may have even contributed to my lack of self-control a few days back when I lost my cool with Rick.

So I have been recuperating, resting, watching a lot of downloaded stuff on my TV, reorganising my hard disks and computer, but unfortunately for my readers, doing very little in the way of blogging or creative writing.

Just lately, more than ever in my life, I find myself becoming increasingly depressed with events across the world; from the terribly mishandled and ruinous floods here in Thailand, to the US/European/Greek/Italian/UK economic crises, to the lack of inspirational leadership in America and Europe, to the senseless killing and maiming of countless innocent folk throughout this troubled world of ours in the name of religion. I am sure that there have been worse moments in the history of this planet, but for this ageing correspondent, it is difficult to think of one in his own lifetime.

One of the most depressing, and selfish things about all these troubles as far as I am concerned is that even if the world does eventually turn the corner and things start to get better – and this is by no means a certainty, as there is a good chance it could get a lot worse – it will never happen in my lifetime, so in effect, I will never live to see better times.

All this has led me to try and take stock of my life and where I am in the general scheme of things.

On a practical level, if I don’t take my physical fitness in hand pretty soon, I really doubt I will be around for too much longer. I tried to walk a couple of days back, the first attempt in well over a week, and I couldn’t walk more than a few yards before the chest pains started. I am still so overweight that it is embarrassing and it is getting worse and worse. I know that this is one of the ‘depressive issues’ that is entirely in my hands, so this one is really down to me.

On a relationship level, I now know that without Noo I would probably be dead in the water. I don’t know what manner of good fortune brought this lovely lady to my door, but whatever it may be, I think I have to proffer eternal thanks to someone… I wish I knew to whom.

Without Noo, who knows where I would be now. She is the main pillar of my life and by far and away a key influence and moderator of my behaviour. Without her, I simply wouldn’t have any kind of a life at all. Again, this is a situation which is entirely in my hands to direct as I see fit, so one of the crucial decisions that I have  made is to  accept that Noo is here to stay and will be an integral part of my life from here on in.

Having arrived at this crucial conclusion, I have decided that I must treat her with the respect she deserves and I have resolved that I will cease forthwith all my ‘naughty girlie activities’ at the short time neighbourhood bars. In future, I will try my best to devote the time I used to spend in bars on pointless self-gratification in trying to keep my little Noo happy.

I belatedly realise that having a friend like Rick as a fellow whore-monger and ‘partner in crime’ was totally the wrong way to go on this, and as i have now that I have pulled the plug on him, it will be much easier to resist any future temptations.

Meanwhile, The local Wat has been running their annual 10-day Loy Krathong temple fair at the grounds next to the lake, just down the road from my home, and every day the Thai bands and dancers grace the massive stages and the usual stalls and other temple fair activities have sprung up in our little corner of the Darkside.

Two days ago, Noo went to the fair alone, as I declined her invitation to accompany her and when she returned a couple of  hours later, she was weighed down with all manner of stuff, from fluffy toys, to clothes and yes – even a little goldfish in a plastic bag. The smile on her face was a delight to see and she had obviously enjoyed herself – albeit alone.

I felt such a miserable bastard for not going with her, so last night I suggested she go back to the fair, but this time with Mobi and her face just blossomed with delight at the prospect.

So off we went, and she won yet another fluffy doll, but failed to burst enough balloons with twisted bent darts to win yet more. Then she  got stuck into  a dozen games of Bingo without any signs of coming even close to a win.  It wasn’t hard to see why as I soon realised  that all the winners s came  from one  table, one that was situated right next the bingo caller. 

It didn’t matter – she enjoyed it and then we strolled along to the clothes stalls, where she bought herself a nice sexy dressing gown, following which, we watched some scantily clad dancers on the main stage, accompanied by a ubiquitous long haired Thai rock band on a stage which would have done justice to Wembley Stadium; and finally we watched some ramwong dancing by a couple of young dancing troupes on a smaller side-stage.

Eat your hearts out – Strictly!

After the fair, I drove around the lake and stopped at one of the newer bars where I knew they had hot food and we spent a pleasant hour or so, sitting at the bar, chatting to a couple of people I knew and watched Newcastle beat Everton 2-1 on the bar’s TV.

Noo had a large plate of fish and chips and I had an even larger plate of liver, bacon and onions, and there wasn’t much left on either plate – very nice, thank you.

As ever, there was a young lady there who recognised me, but fortunately she had her boyfriend with her, so no need for Noo to get her knickers in a twist, (not that she would, I hasten to add; she is just too nice). I usually recognise most of  these girls that I bump into during my wanders, but invariably I can’t recall their names or where I had met them before.

Most important of all, I often can’t even remember whether I have ever had  intimate relations with them. But on this occasion, I quickly decided that this particular girl was from one of the bars nearby and I was sure that I had in fact had my wicked way with her; but it transpired that she wasn’t from that bar at all and that I had never done anything with her that I might later regret….

Comes to something when you can’t even remember who you screwed….

Incidentally, she was yet another ex-whore who has persuaded her farang-mate to invest in a beauty salon. I swear to God there must be almost as many hair dressing salons as bars in East Pattaya, and neither type of business has a dog’s chance of breaking even. There are just too many.

These chance meetings with ‘old flames’ is one of the reasons that I rarely take Noo out to have a drink and some food around the lake, but she seemed un-fazed by the lady we ran into and was obviously very happy to have a night out with me, so maybe I will start to take her out more often. I have to pay more attention to her, she deserves nothing less.

A week or so back, before I was ill, the two of us drove over to Bang Sare to have some seafood at my favourite restaurant, and afterwards, we drove into the village, parked up and took a stroll out along one of the fishing boat piers, of which there are several. Below, are some of the photos I took from the pier, of the boats waiting to go out for a night’s work, and looking back onto Bang Sare beach, the shore side restaurants and some other notable land marks,

I hope you enjoy them.

Bang Sarae – Views from a Pier

2 thoughts on “A bit of Darkside Introspection”

  1. Hi Mobi

    Thanks for the post as I was starting to wonder where you went.

    Sorry to hear about your recent problems/illness.
    I am sure you know about them but those glucose tablets might be faster than candy & coke? I am not diabetic but did use them back when I did triathlon & felt a bonk coming on.

    As for your physical well being…Take Care of Yourself!!
    Good to hear your going to cut back on the bars even if you dont do alcohol
    these days. When you said you were way overweight the first thing I thought was you may be downing cokes at the bars?

    Other than that I know what you mean about the world being in a dark spot these days. Makes one wonder what the governments in the world are thinking.

    Anyway glad to hear you are on the mend.

    Take Care !


  2. Mobi,
    Thank you for the Bang Sarae picks, nice to see some sites which I hopefully, at some point in the near future, will be able to see first hand.

    Please do take care of your health, as you may well know, it not only is good to prolong life and delay the inevitable, but sobriety will be more comfortable and contented. Lacking a spiritual condition, in my view is dangerous as I know without a spiritual condition in my life I most likely would not have made it out of the alcohol and drug pit.

    So, the sobriety can become precarious as the party line in AA fellowship proffers that “health, finance and romance” are the kinds of things that can drive alcoholics back to the bottle (without the spiritual tools and relationship with a HP to weather these kind of storms)

    Stay well Sir and my hats off to you on your sobriety.



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