Lake Mabprachan, East pattya, (The ‘Darkside’), 27th March, 2011

2 months, 27 days – still sober.

Only 4 more days and I will have achieved 3 calendar months sobriety which is exactly 90 days as it turns out.

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I still feel absolutely fine, with no desire whatsoever to fall off the wagon. I have not attended an AA meeting in quite a while now and I am unsure at this juncture whether I will attend any more. I probably will, but right now it is not a priority and I seem to be doing fine without the meetings.

I also seem to be doing fine since I recently weaned myself off anti-depressants, with no apparent side effects. I have been taking anti-depressants for a number of years now; I started with Prozac, but quickly replaced this med with Zoloft which I took for about 2 years, before moving on to Remerol about a year ago. Remerol worked for me much better than any other medication and from the time I started taking them, I have never suffered any serious bouts of depression let alone felt suicidal. However, the side effects were pretty daunting, one way or another. They made me extremely sleepy in the mornings, and left unchecked I could easily sleep for 12 hours a day. When I woke, I felt like a zombie and for the first couple of hours I was always in a bad mood. I was very grumpy to anyone who happened to be around and use to shout and swear at myself when alone.

I stopped the Remerol completely at the end of February and since then, every day I seem to be feeling better, more positive, more motivated and most critically – in  much better moods. It has been several weeks since I last ‘snapped at’ or was ‘moody’ with my little Noo and it really seems that for the moment I have conquered my depression.

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As time goes on, there is a growing realisation that my ability to stay sober and remain free of depression is largely thanks to the wonderful Noo. If there is a God out there who gives people like me a chance, then maybe ‘He’ sent Noo to me. She is the most good hearted, even tempered, kindly soul I have met in many a year and she really seems to enjoy living with me and keeping me happy.

I continually urge her to take time out with her friends and have the odd night out, as I am concerned about our large age difference. I worry that she will be bored, but she insists that she is not bored and is very happy to stay at home with me and my three dogs for company. She loves the dogs to death and she seems genuinely very fond of me. After all these years of self- delusion, I am not kidding myself that she could possibly love me, a man twice her age, but I am starting to believe that she is fond of me and is content to live here with me.

Noo keeps herself busy at home. Sometimes she plays on her computer, downloading songs and making her CD’s; on other occasionally she sits on the floor with her little ‘fold up’ table and works through her English lessons; then she is out in the garden tending her plants and feeding her fish; then she busies herself cooking – Issan food for her and Thai food or a sandwich for me – occasionally she cranks up the garden Thai barbeque and cooks delicious sea food or beef and pork; then she plays with the dogs and grooms them, and last but not least she likes sitting with me and watching  TV with me – she particularly loves documentaries, but she also becoming quite a fan of Eastenders!! Of course she keeps the house clean, does all the washing and ironing and she can’t do enough for me personally. She insists on ministering to my every need – always with a smile and a kiss. She has told me several times that she loves to joke and make me laugh as I am too serious and that I need to lighten up a bit.

Well I damned well ought to…I should be grinning from ear to ear for I really seem to be ‘the cat who got the cream’… I can’t quite believe it. After all these decades of failed relationships, have I finally struck gold? It certainly seems to be the case, but it is still early days and I shall continue to proceed with a certain degree of caution and circumspection.

But in the meantime I have no doubt that Noo has been instrumental in keeping me sober and free from depression.

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After staying at home for days, I did venture out on Friday to see a friend who I hadn’t seen for many weeks at bar on the lake and we had a nice little chat. Then yesterday Noo and I went into Pattaya to do some long overdue shopping and after that we went for a meal, our first meal out for weeks.

Mid-afternoon, we took my golden retriever, Cookie, to the vet. The poor thing definitely has a problem with her front left leg and it was time to get some medical advice. The vet reckoned that Cookie had a bit of arthritis and prescribed some medication and also a change of diet to one that included a good dose of calcium. We also have to get her weight down – she is now a whopping 37 kilos – and try to get her to take more exercise. Swimming is the best solution, so tomorrow, I will drive to a part of the lake where she can easily access the water and let her have a nice swim. She loves swimming, but I haven’t taken her for a couple of years or so as I had heard that the water had previously poisoned some dogs, but I no longer believe that to be true. They were Great Danes, who I now understand are very susceptible to intestinal problems.

Late afternoon, I caught up with my friend at another Lakeside bar and we chatted for a couple of hours before I called it a day and went back to my little Noo who was waiting patiently for me at home. She was so delighted that I had come home early. It made me feel quite guilty.

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I haven’t made any start on chapter 6 of my novel yet – in fact I haven’t even finished re-editing the early chapters, which is the next thing on the agenda. But this coming week I am scheduled to get my renovated desk top PC loaded up with a Linux operating system, so that will undoubtedly cause further delays with my novel.

There is so much to do and not enough hours in the day to do it!  I haven’t even made a start on sorting out my photographs and getting back into photography.

You’re still sober and you have a wonderful, sexy  lady to take care of you. Your health is not great but neither are you infirm or dying. You live in a comfortable  house with a private pool and three loving dogs; you enjoy a hot, sunny climate, you have plenty of activities to keep your mind occupied; your financial situation maybe not what it once was, but you still have more than enough to see you through.

Lighten up Mobi!!

Butt of the day

3 thoughts on “Lake Mabprachan, East pattya, (The ‘Darkside’), 27th March, 2011”

  1. Right on Mobi !!

    While I do not know you personally I have read everything you have written on your blog about your life.

    It puts a really big smile on my face to hear how happy you are with Noo

    She sounds TERRIFIC !!!!

    Also your last paragraph was so nice to see as you stop & smell the roses.



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