I know, this seems to becoming a weekly blog rather than a daily one. All I can say is that is I am slowly trying to put down the roots of a new life and as mentioned in my last blog, that will take precedence over all else.
So what does this mean – this business of starting a new life?
Nothing particularly dramatic or earth shattering. Just a gradual move away from my old style of life which involved pretty much living from day to day, without much thought for the future, or indeed the present; doing just enough to hold body and soul together. It was a life that was dominated by girls, bars and booze and occasionally with a few like-minded friends. During my more sober moments I would sit at my computer and write my blog. For longish periods of time I would manage to write my blog on a daily basis or at least every two- three days. Sometimes I felt that my determination to blog and to write my memoirs under the title ‘Mobi’s Story’ and the associated ‘Mobi Vignettes’ was the only thing that kept me from total disintegration as I have always stuck to my golden rule that I will never write when under the influence.
It is well over a year now since I left my wife for good and I suppose that no matter how bad and unhappy my marriage was, it remained a sort of stabilizing influence in my life and it was one of the few things that helped to hold my life together. As soon as I left my wife, my life went downhill, ‘big time’, and I went through women as fast as most people have hot dinners.
For long periods, my drinking was totally out of control, and apart from numerous minor scrapes, I had two major accidents.
The first accident was of all places, in my home. I was pissed out of my mind and lost my footing on a shiny, tiled floor and fell heavily on my right wrist. The bones were badly smashed and I was hospitalized for a week after undergoing a major operation to put all the pieces back together. The surgeon inserted a large metal T-plate in my wrist and it was three months before I could start to regain use of my right hand. Even now, some 8 months after the accident, I still have discomfort in my wrist and every time I try to put it under stress, like opening a bottle or lifting something only slightly heavy, I experience considerable pain. I am assuming that my wrist will never become fully functional and today, as I write this blog, I feel that I have more soreness today than I have experienced for quite a while.
The second accident was in my car at 4 a.m. one morning in Central Pattaya. I will not recount the details of this accident, but I will say that nobody was hurt although there was considerable damage done to 3 vehicles. If ever I needed a ‘wakeup call’ this was it, and although the accident happened several months ago, it was only within the last couple of weeks that I finally had my car returned to me. I have vowed to myself that I will never be the cause of further incidents of this type again for the rest of my life.
In order to keep my vow I have to stop or severely curtail my drinking and in order to succeed in this endeavour, I must change my way of life. After so many years of unbridled carousing, this is no easy task. Some days I feel in very positive state of mind and I am very active in taking care of personal business, but on other days I still feel a bit like the zombie of old, just existing and doing enough just to get through the day.
You will know from my infrequent blogs that I have not been completely sober over the last month or so but neither have I been excessively drunk. I think the last time I ‘laid one on’ was back in early November and even then it was a very mild affair compared to my previous exploits. As of today I have not had a drink since last Tuesday when I had single glass of wine with my friend Bob who was staying with me for a few days. As the days go by, I feel less and less like going to the bars around the lake and catching up with my drinking friends who patronise them, particularly at weekends. The longer I stay away, the less attractive I find the prospect of reverting back to my old ways. It just seems to be a boring waste of time.
I know it’s too early to count my chickens but I feel deep down that I am slowly moving to the point where I will not take another drink – much the same as I did when I quit smoking some 28 years ago. I used to be a 4-5 pack a day man (depending on what time I went to sleep and what time I woke the following morning), but I slowly weaned myself off them over a period of a few months. I cut down, didn’t smoke for days at a time, then smoked the odd one now and then and fianlly stopped for good when I didn’t feel any pressure on me. I stopped in my own way and under my own volition. If anyone had interfered and tried to help or advise me I would have gone straight back to smoking. I was, and am, a very perverse person. This guy MoMoMo doesn’t seem to understand that the more he bangs on about AA and it’s “higher power”, the less I am inclined to do as bidden. I think I will get there in the end – but my way – not anyone else’s.
Last month Wan came back to stay with me and for a short while I thought that she may be the person with whom I could build my new life around. But as I have blogged, it really didn’t work out too well and she has now departed for good and has been replaced by the lovely, bubbly Noo who seems to fit the bill much better. She looks after me really well; cooks and cleans and generally is most solicitous of my welfare. She is one of those rare Thai specimens: a young lady who is never moody, never gets angry and whose controlling instincts are well ‘controlled’. I do get the feeling that she doesn’t totally trust me, (who could blame her?) and she always wants to accompany me whenever I go out. But if I say no, then she accepts my decision without protest. She is such a delightful, sunny little person that for most of the time I am happy for her to be with me and of course it has the effect of retaining my more adventurous instincts.
So my life is slowly changing. Unfortunately, I have put on an enormous amount of weight and am now the heaviest that I have been in my entire life. This is undoubtedly due to my extremely sedentary lifestyle and also to my insatiable appetite which I find quite difficult to keep under control. I seem to be hungry all the time and I am snacking all day long. This is bad for my health, particularly as I am a diabetic, but I would rather be fat than a drunk so I have to take a view on this for the time being and hope that in the long term I can get my eating back under control.
Yesterday I spent most of the day in my spare bedroom, which has rapidly degenerated into a junk room. There was a lot of stuff to sort out and pack away properly and it now looks a tidy as a new pin. Every storage box has been properly labelled with its contents so that I can find things without upturning everything and leaving a huge mess all over the floor. This Herculean effort follows a similar effort on an other recent occasion when I spent the day setting up a new filing system for all my documents and personal papers. So everything is hunky dory for the first time in years.
Next on my agenda is trying to get a bit fitter and getting my weight under control and making a long delayed re-start on my autobiographical novel.
I even went to an AA meeting the other day. I picked up an old AA mate from his home and we actually made it to the 9 a.m. meeting – my first in many months. After that we took his laptop to a computer shop to see they could fix it and then I brought him home for a while before going back to the shop to collect the laptop and then running him home again. His was my first ‘good turn’ for many a month and it felt good to be of service to someone.
In the meantime, little Noo keeps herself busy knitting scarves for her kids back in Nong Kai, and sitting next to me at my long table, using my second computer. She is fairly computer literate and spends hours writing and sorting out her emails and downloading songs to copy onto MP3 disks. Of course this is only when she isn’t cleaning the house, washing /ironing our clothes, shopping and cooking meals. She is a very industrious little thing and seems to be as happy as a bitch in heat!
So all pretty boring stuff but I have no apologies for this as it is my life and I am not going to go off the rails just to please the likes of ‘snot ass’. (BTW, SN, your emails are shunted straight into ‘trash’ so I don’t even read them anymore, let alone publish them.) In any case I doubt my life will stay uneventful for very long as it never has in the past, and I am sure I will always find interesting things to blog about. When I have completed the first chapter of my blog, I will publish it in my blog and hopefully that may make interesting reading.
I am still downloading and watching a lot of movies and TV series. Many thanks to the reader who recommended ‘Breaking Bad’ to me; I downloaded all 3 series and recently finished watching the end of series 3. I thoroughly enjoyed it; it is an excellent, innovative drama with a good dose of black humour thrown in. I can’t wait for series 4. The other current series that I am watching are Boardwalk Empire, (excellent drama in the true “Sopranos” tradition),House, (funny and quirky) and Grey’s Anatomy ( I know – typical American slush, but I am a glutton for medical dramas). I have started watching Series One of “Life”., which follows the fortunes of a very quirky cop who spent 12 years in jail for a crime he didn’t commit and then went back to his job as a detective. (As with ‘House’, the lead role in’ Life’ is played by a Brit. We seem to be able to do ‘Yanks” better than they do.) I am not sure about this one yet; need to watch a few more episodes.
My apologies to the person who has previously enquired about Inspector Morse. I do believe that all the series are out on DVD but I downloaded mine using torrents. It took many days, possibly weeks, to download series 7 and the specials, (the final 6 episodes, which followed series 7. Morse dies in the last one, so it really was the end – not least because the actor who played Morse – John Thaw – also tragically died of cancer some years back.).
I was disappointed with series 7 as the quality was not good and most of the episodes were unwatchable, but the specials, which I am now halfway through, seem to be fine. It does take a long time to download as there are so few’ peers’ that i could ‘leech’ onto, but if you have a fast connection you can probably download them faster than I have been able to. However, if you do manage to buy the DVD’s or download them, in my humble opinion, the dramas still stand the test of time and are amongst the finest dramas ever produced for UK TV.
Other good TV stuff that I have watched recently include the very long running UK comedy quiz, ‘Have I Got new For You’, (the irreverent and hilarious attacks on the establishment and celebrities in the news), ‘The Street’, ( an Emmy award winning series of gritty single dramas which all take place in the same Northern street) and I offer no apologies to admitting that I am an ‘Eastenders’ Addict. ( I down load and watch the week’s full 2 hours in one session). I also admit that I am an addict of the UK ‘X Factor’ which holds it’s finals this weekend. I have also been a fan of the similar creation, ‘American Idol’, but I have to say that I was surprised to find that the production standards of the British show are, in my opinion superior to it’s American ‘cousin’. Mind you, the influential ‘creative director’ to X factor is a Yank, so perhaps that explains it.
So that’s enough rambling about my TV habits which will bring this episode of my blog episode to a close.
I will try to blog more regularly, now that I seem to be more settled.