Lake Mabprachan, East Pattaya, 2nd November, 2010.

The “Home” page is my daily blog. The remaining tabs contain previously blogged, episodic ‘stories’, which are now re-published in chronological order.



Yet another gap of several days since my last post.

I’m sorry about this, but if I am not in the mood to write, then I don’t. I know many of you have exhorted me just to put down a few lines so that you know I am still alive. I haven’t deliberately ignored this request but some days I find it difficult to write even a few lines and other days I can write for hours and never get bored or experience ‘writer’s cramp’. So I will do my best to update my ever- dwindling band of faithful followers as regularly as possible, but can make no promises.

One reason that I may be blogging less in the immediate future is due to my recent decision to turn my autobiographical stories and ‘vignettes’ into a novel.

I recently had an interesting exchange of emails with Stephen Leather, the bestselling author and in particular, author of “Private Dancer”. You may recall that I criticised Stephen’s writing in my blog and he commented to the effect that “if you have nothing good to say about someone, say nothing”. I took this to heart as, on occasion, I have been personally quite hurt by some highly critical comments written about me on my blog. I now realise that I was doing exactly the same thing to someone else. I also confess that much of my criticism was probably more the result of envy than any deeply held views on the quality of Stephen’s writing, and I told him as much in an email.

I must say that Stephen is a person of generous spirit and he was extremely kind to me in his reply. He has suggested that my blog writing can be turned into a novel, and after deliberating with some close friends, whose opinions I respect and will always ‘give it to me straight’, I have decided to give it a go.

This means that there will be no more ‘Mobi Vignettes’ for the time being, but in the fullness of time, I may start publishing completed chapters of the novel in a special section on my blog.

I will try to keep my blog going, but there may be less of it than there has been in the past. As my ‘alter- ego’ “Snot Ass” has suggested, whatever I decide to do, my life will always be full of adventure of one sort or another, so there will probably always be something of interest to write about.

In my last blog I reported that Wan would be returning to Roi Et last Thursday and would return sometime this week after putting her son in school for the start of the new term. As it turned out I dropped them at the bus station last Wednesday morning and once again found myself alone. At this point I had been sober for almost a week and was feeling pretty good, but no sooner did I find myself alone that the desire to have a drink immediately surfaced and I was off to the races.

I ended up in one of my favourite short time bars on the Darkside and  had a pretty good time with two ladies who helped me get right roaring pissed.

Thursday was more of the same. I started at another of my favourite ‘watering holes’ downing copious amounts of beer with friends, before adjourning to yet another whore house for more fun and merriment.

Friday, I was feeling pretty bad for most of the day but eventually pulled myself together to drive around the lake to have a few beers in a bar where the owner was celebrating his birthday. I really wasn’t in the mood and left after a couple of beers to a quiet bar, further around the lake. Here, all the girls had been commandeered by a party of wealthy Thais who had driven down from Siam Country club and were  seemingly ‘slumming it’ at a farang bar. They were ensconced at a dilapidated wooden table, buying rounds of drinks for the girls and themselves like there was no tomorrow.

This didn’t stop the girls from dallying by a semi- drunk Mobi, who was all alone in propping up the bar, on their way to and from the table; inveigling yet more drinks from Mobi, in return for a brief cuddle, before returning to the rich Thais at the table.

This was getting me nowhere, except emptying my wallet, so I cashed up, (they actually tried to rip me off on the bill but for once I spotted it), and moved yet further around the lake to a small bar I had not patronised for several weeks. Previously, I had been quite keen on a young lady there but had decided that she was too ‘innocent’ for the hoary old Mobi and had crossed her off my list.

You can imagine my surprise when I was swept off my feet by the girl in question who had spotted my car arriving and seemed genuinely overcome to see me again. She half cried and half laughed as she grasped me around the waist and virtually dragged me to a seat by the bar and wouldn’t let go.

She wasWei – a 25 year old from Bangkok. Her elder sister, (an overt ‘butch’ lesbian), and her aunt also worked at the bar. The only other working girl was her sister’s lesbian girl friend, a much older woman, but at least she looked very feminine.

Wei had been working at the bar for a couple of months. She had never been with a customer and claimed she was a virgin. She had been studying at university in Bangkok but had been forced to flee the city when her sister had been unable to send her sufficient money to pay off a Chinese money lender who had loaned her money to pay her school fees. She was a very pretty young thing and everything about her suggested that she was telling me the truth.  I had listened to her conversations with her sister in Thai and all this reinforced my belief that she was being honest with me. I don’t think I have ever seen such a shy, introverted girl working at a bar, and she didn’t speak one word of English.

Over time, I had managed to forge a good friendship with her which had resulted in her asking me to take her out of the bar. She would come and live with me as my girl friend. I had previously decided that the whole business was a bit too much for me to take on and thus had sent her a nice sms telling her: ‘sorry, but I must decline’.

So last Friday, Wei redoubled her efforts to persuade me to take her to my home and I must confess that the idea was very appealing. She said that her sister could come as well and between the two of them they would look after me, take care of the house and do all the cooking. It was a very tempting offer, so I told her I would think about it.

Saturday was another strange day. Another one of my ex girl friends, Tukta, contacted me and asked if she could come and see my new home. Feeling hung over and lonely, I agreed and I went to Soi Kow Talo to pick her up. It was good to see her again and she loved the house. She has been calling me ever since but I have decided I don’t want her back in my life. She is a very sexy young lady and we have great sex together, but she really is a ‘goodtime bar girl’ and sooner or later I know she will let me down.

On Sunday I had a call from yet another ‘old flame’. Young Tan, who had broken my heart so badly earlier this year, was also interested in giving my house to ‘once over’ so on Sunday night I picked her up from her room and brought her round for a night’s fun.( It was very fortuitous that Dear Wan was back home in Roi Et.)

We watched TV for a while and then Tan told me she wanted to go to bed Anticipating an exciting night’s sex, I took her into the bedroom, offered her a clean towel to take a shower, but she declined. She crashed fully clothed onto my bed and was immediately in a deep sleep. I left her to it and went back to watch my TV programme, crashing next to the fully clothed Tan about 2 hours later.

Tan didn’t stir all night, and when I arose, at 10 a.m. she was still fast asleep. She eventually appeared just before noon and asked me to run her home as she had to go to work a 1 p.m. I was happy to oblige but when I dropped her off, I was hoping that she wouldn’t try and touch me up for some money, as on the previous evening she had been telling me all about her financial problems. If she had fucked me I would have been more than willing to pay her the going rate, but there was no way she would get anything from me for the dubious pleasure of sleeping fully clothed,  for over 12 hours in my bed.

Thankfully she didn’t say a word and I drove away quickly, realising that at long last I had put the lid on that particular relationship.

Two hours later she called me. She asked me if I would be seeing her again. I told her that I might go and see her at her restaurant where she was working. Then came the killer. She asked me if I would lend her 4,500 Baht as she had to pay an instalment on her loan that day and she was desperate. I asked her why she couldn’t pay it from her salary which was due that day. She said that she had to use her salary to repay a loan to a friend who she had borrowed from a month earlier. I told her that I was very sorry but that I couldn’t lend her the money. She politely thanked me and rung off. I doubt I will be hearing from her again.

On Monday, yesterday, I saw my therapist in Pattaya and then ran around all day running errands and doing shopping. It was my third day of sobriety and I felt pretty good.  I went to see Wei in the evening for about an hour, but I resisted the temptation to have a drink.

I am still unsure about Wei; I had a long talk to my therapist about Wan and Wei and his advice was to stick with Wan. I told him that I had no emotional attachment to her and we never had sex. He told me that he had a friend who had a very similar ‘live in’ and it worked very well. I admitted that I felt much more at peace when she was with me, I slept extremely well and the desire to drink was substantially reduced. She also has these commitments in Roi Et which means she will be travelling there quite frequently, leaving me to sow a few ‘wild oats’ when she is away. My therapist observed that it could work out to be the perfect relationship for me. I am inclined to think that he could very well be correct.

Today, Tuesday is my fourth day of sobriety. I feel good – in body and mind. Maybe I can make it stick, but even if I don’t, it is my therapist’s view that I have it more or less under control now. I have few, if any, wild binges; I seem to know when to stop and most important of all, I don’t drink every day. Anyway for me, right now, I feel so good that I don’t want to spoil it by taking a drink.

Last night Wan called me and told me she would probably be coming back on Friday. She told me that she has decided to drive her own car back as she can’t take any more bus journeys. That would be quite something – a girl friend with her own car. It will be the first one since my last wife!!!!

8 thoughts on “Lake Mabprachan, East Pattaya, 2nd November, 2010.”

  1. I don’t like your shrink. What kind of doctor would tell his patient to remain in a loveless, sexless relationship simply because it helps him sleep better? You can’t even blog and keep us amused when she is there, the tedium is so great.

    Mobiwan is doomed to failure. Bedding a tart in a bar is one thing, now you’re bringing skanks home to the barren marital bed. The lovely Wan will be feeding ducks before Christmas!

    The virgin whore and her bull dyke “sister” sounds much more interesting and right up your street. Maybe move in the tattooed wench, Tan, as well and have your own private harem of debauchery and depression.

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  2. Mobi,
    I certainly wish you well in your problems with drinking. I must say that something I found out was that by virtue of being alcoholic I could not ever regain control of my drinking. If you are really alcoholic you may find that is the case for you. I’m going to paste in and excerpt from the AA Big Book, all of which I have taken to heart and look to as more or less a God send for alcoholics.

    quote:
    We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
    We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn’t done so yet.
    Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

    Mobi, I really hope you can control your drinking, but if you are really alcoholic that day may never arrive.

    You may not like what I’m about to say, but here it goes. If you are really alcoholic and your therapist is telling you he feels you “have it under control” he is not at all well informed about alcoholism and doing you a great disservice. Alcoholics by virtue of being alcoholic will never ever regain control of alcohol with the exception of nothing short of a major miracle. Not even AA promises control of drinking to alcoholics, only abstinence through spiritual means.

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    1. I listen to everyone and ‘filter’ what they say to me. No one knows better than I how difficult it is for an alcoholic to control his drinking. I have tried it literally hundreds of times and on every occasion I end up back where I started – or even worse.

      My therapist is a huge believer in AA and has stated on countless occasions that it is nigh on impossible for an alcoholic to become a controlled drinker. But he claims that it is not impossible. No-one from AA would ever admit it, but there have been well documented cases of full blown alcoholics, who have learned to control their drinking. Very small in number, but quantifiable. He has no reason to lie to me and I accept this as a scientifically proven fact.

      Having said this, I openly admit that my heart sank a little when he suggested that I may be able to control my drinking. I wish he had stuck to the conviction that for me there was no alternative – I had to stop. What he said may well give me false hope, and that’s something I don’t need.

      I really have grave doubts that I can ever control my alcohol intake in the long run and will continue to do my very best to stay 100% sober.

      It may be that I have gone as far as I can go with this particular gentleman. There is little doubt that he has helped me and given me much to think about, but it might be time to move on.

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      1. Dear Mobi,
        After I literally failed in life due to my drinking and sometime into practicing AA I began looking at why I drank in the first place. Not as an exercise to keep sober but to determine if I was really alcoholic. Why was it that I so enjoyed being inebriated or at least somewhat drunk over being sober? Why was it I didn’t like much how I felt sober? Why was it that I quite habitually was altering my conscious with alcohol? Why would “normal” people be able to have a couple drinks, feel “out of control” and then want to leave it alone. With booze I would almost always go overboard, especially towards the end of my so called “career”. It became clear to me that I really didn’t enjoy being sober all that much. I didn’t like how I “felt”. I remember always feeling like something was wrong, the hammer would drop at any moment. Some measure of discontent was always present. People “irritated me”, there was always someone not behaving as they should. Then on reading the big book, there it was in black and white from the AA benefactor Dr. Silkworth.

        START-quote:
        Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so illusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his recovery.
        END-quote:

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      2. I assume you re writing this for my wider readership as there is nothing in what you have posted that I have not read already.

        It seems that periodically I have to remind my readers that I have spent considerable time at AA meetings, have read the Big book from cover to cover twice, and have even listened to it on audio tape whilst driving my car. I have also read other AA literature extensively. I have even attended AA meetings where we read and discussed sections of the Big Book.

        Having said all that, it is good to be reminded what the good Dr. Silkworth has written and I agree with everything you have written and quoted in your comment. It all makes total sense to this alcoholic.

        Understanding is one thing…. doing what needs to be done is quite another…

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      3. Dear Mobi,
        Glad to know you are 5 days sober. Please don’t apologize for writing a boring blog for this reader at least hopes for your sobriety. My main aim in life these day is to help other alcoholics for it has given me great release from the disease and contentment in doing good deeds.

        Please know my posts are not for your wider readership.

        I have often thought of myself as a smart man, quite brilliant at one point before sobriety. Without higher education, in just a couple of years I was playing jazz with the best of them in LA. After being discouraged by the music scene in LA went back to Silicon Valley where I now enjoy pestering by any number of head hunters lining up to put me in a myriad of high paying positions as a Systems Engineer. The truth is though, with all my so called intelligence in the booze area I was quite stupid to put it mildly. In the getting along with fellow human beings and attaining some humility department I fell short as well.

        I had read the Big Book 3 times and attended many hundreds of AA meetings for 7 years before I became a student of the Big Book. I am well over 17 years sober now. I found out something really humbling. That with all my brilliance and superior intellect I really hadn’t comprehended all the main points made in the first 164 pages. I actually was pushed into studying it by my third sponsor who’s first book at age 34 was the Big Book. (he was illiterate before sobriety) I found out by the help of more studious and patient men than I, that the first 164 pages of the big book are a text. The preface of the book illustrates this point.

        I reiterate and quote the book on your blog for your sake.

        A mistake in thinking I made was to classify myself unique, a cut above, an exception. I found that this trait is often shared by many an alcoholic. This feeling of being alone but superior than the rest and at the same time a victim of life.

        Over the years I have found something out about myself as well. That is that even with all the Big Book studying I had done it’s always good to refer back to it as my disease will often push back those good points and I’ll find myself getting out of sync with the principals. Refering back often keeps me on track. Writing blogs about it helps too. So perhaps now, I must correct myself. I quote the big book to not only help you but to help myself as well.

        ~Consirnd

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