Sihanoukville, 9th September, 2010-09-09

The “Home” page is my daily blog. The remaining tabs contain previously blogged, episodic ‘stories’, which are now re-published in chronological order.


I’m still sober and now well into my third day of sobriety.

I haven’t been feeling that great, nor that bad – just rather ‘down-ish’ in my general mood and very lethargic. I spend most of my time in my room, either on my lap top or watching TV.

To give you an example of how a typical alcoholic will sort of ‘sleep-walk’ through life, just doing barely enough to get by – today I decided to check my blood sugars for the first time in weeks.

For the past few months, the only time I would check them was when I was having a ‘hypo’, (when the blood sugars get dangerously low and can cause coma and even death), as fortunately I still get recognisable symptoms when this occurs. Apart from that, I have just taken insulin when I remembered and hoped for the best, knowing full well that beer would only elevate my blood sugars to unacceptable levels.

I had a large, late breakfast and took my usual does of insulin. Two hours later I checked my blood and to my horror discovered that despite the insulin shot, my BS was 198 – extremely high. High blood sugars would partly account for my constant sleepiness – in fact I dozed off after breakfast for about an hour, despite the fact I had had a good night’s sleep. So my blood is obviously in a bad way – no doubt due to my drinking, bad diet and being about 10 kilos overweight.

I gave myself another shot there and then, and even an hour later, despite the double dose, my BS was down a little but still very high.

I took a third shot and went for a walk along the beach – all in all about 40 minutes, and arrived back at my room sodden with sweat and exhausted. I am in very bad shape. This time my meter reading finally showed an acceptable level of blood sugars. This will be something I have to work on.

I checked my blood pressure – a little high but not overly so – mainly thanks to the mountain of blood pressure pills that I take to control it.

High blood sugars have undoubtedly contributed to my lethargy and depression. Before it’s too late I must take this in hand. I don’t want to end up losing extremities or having permanent organ damage.

All in all, it really is time for a major change in the life for this: ‘much wedded, Pattaya based, carousing alcoholic!’

I did some work today on tidying up the first 5 parts of my Vignette about Nid, my third wife and I have now published them on my blog in chronological order under the ‘Nid’ tab. I have done this so that it will make life easier for my readers when I resume the story of Nid, with part 6 in the next day or so. It has been quite a while since I wrote part 5.

I am going out shortly for a meal and may blog again later when I return. In the meantime I will publish what I have written so far – just so that you don’t think I have relapsed…..

3 thoughts on “Sihanoukville, 9th September, 2010-09-09”

  1. I reiterate our need for meditation to heal:

    http://www.shambhalahealingtools.com/Buddha_Maitreya_Soul_Therapy_Music_s/1.htm

    As strange as it seems this music and these “tools” will change your life, Mobi. It did for me 12 years ago! Open your mind and give them a chance… This is NOT Sa’s Buddhism. NO dogma. Just relax, hold these things and play the music daily and your life will fall into right relationship.

    Take good care of yourself,

    Turk

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  2. Wow Mobi~san… I am so HAPPY for you and your “fresh eyes”!

    When your blog went silent, sadly, I figured you either ate a tree in the Beemer at 4 in the morning or fell into a diabetic coma and we’d heard the last from you… never to know your outcome.

    Here’s hoping you start taking better care of ol’ Mobi. Diabetes is a sneaky, nasty disease that silently chips away at a body. Your circulatory system breaks down, your eyesight dims, then they start cutting off your toes… and pretty soon you’re falling over in every stiff wind. LOL…

    Personally I’ve never felt alcoholism to be your biggest hurdle. From my perspective WILL and DISCIPLINE have always been your demons. Perhaps these “fresh eyes” of yours will help you take better care of yourself.

    Eat well and regularly, take your meds on time, and work in a brisk trot for 30+ minutes every day and you’ll be surprised how fast that belly of yours will disappear and those precious toes will once again make their appearance! And besides, you’ll feel a hell of a lot better and we’ll all have something interesting to click on every day!

    Heartfelt Regards,

    Turk

    P.S. You ARE meditating every day, aren’t you?

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    1. Thanks Turk.

      Well you’re not too far of the mark with the time and nature of my latest car wreck. Fortunately, the Gods are still with me and the only person to suffer was myself with a few cuts and bruises and yet another dent to my bank account.

      Alcoholics are renowned for their procrastination and lack of discipline. It’s really a chicken & egg situation, which came first? Alcoholism or procrastination? Given that I held down a number of high pressure jobs which required considerable self discipline, even when drinking to excess, my guess is that is the alcohol that creates the problem, once I am no longer able to keep the booze under some semblance of control.

      Of course, I am fully aware of the dangers of letting my diabetes become unstable, I am probably a foremost expert on it having read all there is to read on the subject and discussing my condition with a number of top specialists through the years, but once the alcohol get hold, I just don’t care any more. I just become self destructive. Maybe things are about to change. Since I stopped drinking 4 days ago i have been monitoring my glucose levels more carefully than I have done in years. Still high but slowly reducing.

      The last time I was this weight (90 kilos) was in 2000 when I retired and took up jogging. I subsequently got my weight down to around 80 kilos and I was held up by my diabetic and heart specialists in Harley Street as a fine example of what could be done in middle age if someone had the will to do it. So I know it can be done – as you say, it is all about will power.

      No, haven’t started meditating yet. that’s next on my agenda along with going back to AA meetings as I know I can never make it alone.

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