The “Home” page is my daily blog. The remaining tabs contain previously blogged, episodic ‘stories’, which are now re-published in chronological order.
I will write and publish this first before getting into my “Mobi Vignette”, just in case something comes up and I don’t complete the latest instalment of “Nid”.
I am still sober, (two weeks now), and still feeling pretty good.
On Sunday I spent most for the day at home, but my lady of the previous night kept calling to ask when I would come to her bar, so I eventually caved in and met her there at 8.30 in the evening.
One thing led to another and I ended up bar-fining her for the second night running, whereupon we went for a meal before returning to my condo for an early night.
Almost as soon as we hit my room, the young lady showered and crashed into a deep sleep and left me to my own devices. She had told that she wanted to wake very early the following morning as she planned to make a trip back to her family in Buri Ram for a couple of days during Buddhist Lent.
I sort of wondered why she had bothered to come home with me, given the circumstances, but of course I soon realised that she needed some pocket money to finance her trip home.
It took me a while to sleep, especially as I was thinking that she wouldn’t be getting much from me just for the dubious pleasure of sleeping in my bed, but as it turned out, she woke around 5.30 and did her ‘sworn duty’, before disappearing in the bathroom and getting ready to make an early departure.
I inwardly groaned, as she clearly wanted me to drop her off. So I fought the sleepiness resulting from my lack of sleep, the effects of my antidepressant med which I had only taken some five hours earlier, and the fatigue brought on by our early morning exercise.
I’m not as young and fit as I was, and I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep up with these beautiful young ladies, whose sexual urges seem to know no bounds.
Anyway, I dropped her off back at her room, by which time I was wide awake, and then decided to drop my car off at the body shop for a re-spray. I had been saving up all the bumps and scratches that had gradually started to cover the body of my lovely beamer, since I had last had it done, over six months ago.
It was now time to have the body returned to its original, pristine condition. Maybe now that I am sober I have a better chance of keeping it that way.
The owner of the body shop then dropped me at a car rental place where I rented a nice, 2 litre Mazda for 5 days.
I spent the rest of the day, and night, in my condo, taking care of long neglected tasks, such as sorting out all my mp3’s, running antivirus anti spyware and other registry cleaning programmes on my PC’s and generally clearing out all the junk that had accumulated on my computers, defragging, and so on.
While this was going on, I cooked myself two meals and also made a start at sorting out all my paper work that hadn’t been touched for months.
Even a few days ago I could never have contemplated embarking on such tasks, such was my state of mind and my lethargic, black moods. I had been living a zombie- like existence for months – just doing enough to get by and stay alive – but only just.
So my new meds are working very well and I am really starting to pull things around.
I received a comment yesterday to the effect that I was ‘playing with fire’ by spending so much time in bars, so early on in my sobriety.
I cannot deny that this is true. I will however remind my readers that last year I achieved months of sobriety while all the while frequenting bars. When I am in the right frame of mind I can go to bars and not feel any desire to pick up a drink. But as I recently discovered to my cost, this will only work when I am happy and properly focussed.
Earlier this year, still shattered by the breakup of my marriage and then by losing Tan, I tried time and time again to stay sober but always relapsed when I spent more than a few minutes in a bar.
My long term aim is to drastically reduce the amount of time I spend in bars, but ‘Rome wasn’t built’ in a day and my addiction to bars and bar girls is every bit as addictive as my addiction to alcohol.
Rightly or wrongly, I feel I have to be “in it to win it”, (with apologies to the UK National Lottery), and I have no idea where to find a likely lady to shack up with if I don’t go to the bars.
I am aware of the potential dangers and am being very careful. I go there either to chat to friends (as I did on Saturday afternoon) or to find a nice lady to spend some time with, and possibly sleep with.
So yesterday I spent the whole day at home doing my domestic chores and slept alone.
This might not sound much to many of you, but for me it was a significant achievement, and one that I can start to build on.
After posting this I will turn my attention to ‘NID” but it may well not be until tomorrow that the next instalment gets published.