I might have misled you slightly in my last blog.
When I wrote that I was still sober, I probably should have written that I have been sober since Monday 12th July, otherwise those of you who follow my progress in detail might have thought that the last time I took a drink was Friday, 9th July, which was the last date that I had previously reported taking a drink.
I had indeed been sober since Friday, but on Monday night, at around 10 00p.m., just I was planning to go to bed early with Tukta, ( I had to make an early start on Tuesday morning for my drive to Bangkok), she suddenly announced that her mother had called to say that her baby had a small accident in her mum’s room and that she wanted to go to check it out.
I told her to go immediately and she assured me she would come back very soon.
By 12.30 I heard nothing from her, so I called her to find out what was happening. She told me her baby was fine but she was talking to her mother and she was too tired to come back to my room that night.
I was a bit upset. I asked her why hadn’t she called earlier to tell me as I had been waiting anxiously for over two hours?
She wouldn’t give me a satisfactory answer so I hung up in anger.
One of the reasons that I like to have a ‘live-in’ is because I find it very difficult to sleep alone. Normally, being alone for one night wouldn’t be a big deal , but on this particular night I wanted to get a half way decent sleep as I had to get up early and drive to Bangkok.
Tukta knew this very well, but still declined to come back that night. (It would have been a 15 minute drive on her bike)
I suspected that the whole event was just a concocted story as she wanted to spend the night elsewhere, but even if it was true, I felt she was being unreasonable in the circumstances.
So I turned to whisky, to assuage my anger and resentment and also as I thought it might help me get to sleep.
I didn’t drink much – just three very large, ‘snorters’ which gave me a bit of a high after several sober days, and then tried to sleep. But sleep refused to come and I spent most of the night watching television before dropping off just before dawn, only to wake up a couple of hours later as I had to go to Bangkok.
As I recounted in my last blog, I made it to Bangkok, kept my appointment with the psychotherapist, saw Dave and made it back to Jomtien just in time to throw up my lunch in the bathroom.
Upon my return, I called Tukta, only to be told that she had decided that there was no future in our relationship, the veracity of which I couldn’t really disagree with, so that was that. I was back alone.
I have been ill ever since. I thought I was over the worst of it by Wednesday afternoon, but yesterday (Thursday) the diarrhoea returned with a vengeance.
I decided to see a doctor and was duly dosed up with antibiotics and electrolytes and today, Friday, once more the problems seems to be subsiding, but I’m being very careful with my food intake which is minimal.
Wednesday evening was interesting and, I believe, a therapeutic, salutary experience. I hadn’t intended to go out at all, but late afternoon a received a call from an ‘old flame’, who I hadn’t seen for quite a while as she had been back home in Loei taking care of her rice fields.
She asked if I could meet her for a drink as we hadn’t seen each other for quite a while, and as I felt that my illness had subsided, I thought: “why not?”
I did meet her, but there was no ‘spark’ on my side, so I bought her a couple of drinks and decided to move on.
I went to see one of the girls I knew out by the lake. If you go to my blog of 8th July, you will see that I had shortlisted 5 potential candidates for the new Mobi “live-in”.
In that blog I wrote about Noot, the 23 year old who I took out with her friend and then proceeded to get drunk and ended up pissing her off mightily at which point she disappeared from my condo after I had passed out.
Some time had passed, so I decided to give Noot another try and apologise for my previous behaviour.
When I arrived at her bar she was ensconced with an English man, a guy I knew who owned another bar at the lake. He was very drunk, but it didn’t seem to bother Noot who was being plied with drinks.
I sat opposite them and tried to catch her attention but she completely ignored me and just stared into the drunken bar owner’s face. I ordered a soda and sat there for a while, hoping the drunk would finish his drink and return to his own bar. But not a bit of it. He kept ordering drinks for himself and Noot, and to my alarm I suddenly realised that Noot had her hand up his shorts and was fondling his private parts, all the while staring into his eyes with a lecherous smile on her face.
I broke out into a cold sweat.
I usually get my own wicked way with these women at bars and have pissed off many a farang who has wondered how I have managed to achieve in a few minutes what they have been gagging for all night.
This time the shoe was on the other foot and I didn’t like it. I felt very humiliated by what she was doing within a couple of feet of where I was sitting, and full view. I realised later that she almost certainly did it deliberately to piss me off, and in that she succeeded.
There was no end in to the drunken fondling in sight, so I paid my bill and drove back to Jomtien.
I decided to go and see Mam, another reject from my 8th July shortlist. Mam was the go-go dancer in Jomtien. She had been calling me and sending me messages, and just the previous day had sent me a message telling me that she missed me!
I needed a boost to my ego, and decided Mam was the girl for the job, as she was always all over me when I went to see her, and even if she was with another customer, she would still come over to talk and play with me as well.
When I arrived at the bar, one of Mam’s friends told me that Mam was in the toilet and would be out soon, so I ordered a coke and sat down to wait.
Sure enough, five minutes later Mam emerged from the toilet with a friend, but she wasn’t wearing her go-go outfit. She was dressed in street clothes. She looked at me but made a beeline to two customers who were sitting at a corner table.
She and her friend sat down between them and it was clear that she had been bar fined. She looked across at me, smiled and then broke into hysterical laughter, probably in reaction to the look on my face.
I had been humiliated yet again.
All the girls in the Go-go bar knew that I was keen on Mam, and it seemed like they were all laughing at me.
The craziest part about this particular event was that when one of the two farangs she was sitting with finally paid his bill, he left with both of the ladies – Mam and her friend, and was obviously going to enjoy a “two-some” that night.
Yet more humiliation, so after they left, I decided that enough was enough and I had better give up and go home.
Strangely, the two ego-bashing incidents did not drive me to drink. In fact, as mentioned above, I believe they had a salutary effect on me. I was sober and thinking more logically than when I drink, and I knew that this feeling of ‘hurt’ was all nonsense.
They were all whores – so WTF?
I admit to not sleeping well that night, but I was alone, and I was sober.
The following morning (Thursday) I was awoken by a phone call from yet another lady on my 8th July short list.
It was Ping, the 22 year old go-go dancer from Walking Street. She told me that she had just returned from Kon Kaen with her younger sister and wanted to see me.
So still suffering slightly from a bruised ego, I thought that this might put matters right, so agreed to meet her at her room. We duly met up and I took her to lunch. Ping was looking absolutely gorgeous. She is 45 kilos of pure, unadulterated sex and she knows it.
She told me that she wasn’t working anymore and that she wanted to come and live with me and take care of me. We talked around it for a while, and I suggested that she come back home with me so that we could discuss the potential “arrangements” in more detail.
On the way to my condo Ping told me that her mother had been in hospital and she was very worried as they had no money to pay the hospital bill. I asked her how much was the bill and she told me 10,000 Baht!!
I could see which way this was going, especially when she started crying, but I continued my drive to the condo where I parked up and took Ping to my room.
I then cross-examined her about this bill. It became clear that in return for her coming to live with me, she wanted me to give her the money for the hospital bill. She then went on to say that she would take the money personally to Khon Kaen and be back in 2 days!
I asked her why she couldn’t send the money? Why did she have to go there? She had just returned from Khon Kaen and for Christ’s sake, it is an 8 hour journey! She insisted that she had to see her mum again, but promised faithfully that she would be back in 2 days.
There was a time, not so long ago that I would have half-believed this tale, and would have gone along with it, even on the off-chance that it may be true.
But times are a-changing.
I told her that I didn‘t believe her. She became very upset and called her Mum and asked me to speak to her! I declined. It proved nothing.
I told her that it was crazy for her to go all the way back to Khon Kaen for one day just to pay the bill, especially as she had just been there and that I didn’t believe a word she had told me.
At this point she decided to modify her demands. She told me that she could send the money to her mother and didn’t have to go to Khon Kaen and that she would stay in Pattaya with me.
I refused – it was all nonsense and bullshit.
She pretended to cry again, but I could see no tears.
I told her I was taking her back to her room and that I didn’t want to see her again.
On the way back to room, she tried crying once more and begged me to reconsider, declared her undying love for me, but I was obdurate.
Upon arrival, as she was getting out of the car she said:
“If you miss me, give me a call!”
With that, the lovely little darling scurried off back to her room to break the news to her sister that the ‘mark hadn’t coughed up’.
After dropping Ping off I decided to drive down to Bang Chang and re-visit Onn, (see my 8th July Blog), yet another lady I previously crossed off my short list.
She was there – looking lovelier than I remembered – and was ‘available’.
Still smarting slightly from the sight of Noot with her hands up the customer’s shorts providing him with some kind of perverted gratification, I suggested that Onn may like to try a similar trick with Mobi, who had donned his shorts especially for such an eventuality.
She was delighted to oblige but started to express misgivings when she discovered to size of the Mobi-gun.
I had been talking to her about coming to stay with me, but upon discovering the weapon she told me that I was almost certainly too big for her. I told her that I may be big, but not that big and I was sure it would be Ok. She still conveyed her fears, and asked her friend to come over and give a second opinion.
Her friend, another beauty by the name of Ann, duly obliged by put her hand up my other trouser leg and check the gun for herself. This time the reaction was far more positive – in fact in no time flat she was becoming extremely horny and asked me to go upstairs with her.
I politely declined, but remained at the bar with both Onn and Ann doing their bit to keep the Mobi-gun fully loaded and ready. But Even Ann was a little concerned about the gun’s size. She said it was the largest she had encountered since she had been working in Bang Chang and asked me if I had ever had problems putting the gun in a Thai holster. I told her that the gun would fit into about 90% of Thai holsters with little or no problem, so the odds were on her side. This seemed to reassure her, and she begged me to take her upstairs as her holster was in danger of becoming too wet to function.
My ego was getting better and better.
However, It was still Onn that I preferred and I asked her if she would come back to the condo with me that night to see how we got on together.
She declined. She said that the previous evening she had a very long ‘boomsing’ session with a customer and her ‘holster’ was very sore. She said the session lasted over two hours, and if I didn’t believe her I could ask Mama-san who had witnessed the marathon event!
She then went on to tell me that she only liked to indulge in ‘boomsing’ one time per week as her holster was a bit delicate and she still had grave concerns as to whether my gun would fit properly.
So there are some disadvantages to having a top gun and my ego started to flag once more.
She seemed adamant so I turned my attentions back to Ann and asked her if she would come home with me.
Ann said she wanted to come with me but not until she finished work at midnight. She said that I could pick her up when she finished work, and while this was not a very satisfactory arrangement, as it would involve a lot of driving back and forth, I agreed.
In the event, I drove back home at around 8 p.m. and by 10 o’clock I decided it was all too much effort to drive back to Bang Chang in the late evening. So I sent her an sms and cancelled out.
All these events have done me a power of good. I have been on my own now since Monday and last night I even managed to get to sleep before 2 a.m.
Although I am not about to put it to the test, I believe my obsession with Tan is just about gone and I am feeling in better control of my life by the day.
As recently as last Tuesday I still couldn’t get her out of my mind and was continually thinking about her and dwelling on what had gone wrong.
I feel I have been liberated from this obsession and while I’m a long way from being deliriously happy, my mood seems to be gradually improving.
I have attended two AA sessions which have also helped. Ironically the topic of the first meeting was humility, which fitted perfectly into my current situation.
Yesterday, Friday, I spent most of the day at home and didn’t go near any bar.
I know I have to change my life and at the time of writing, I am feeling quite positive about this and about things in general.
I hope it lasts.