Jomtien, 8th July, 2010 – trying to get sober yet again

I don’t know where to start really.

I suppose my relapse was all pretty much down to my continuing attempts to come to terms with the loss of Tan and the my abject failure to persuade her to give it another go.

I know it is all pretty crazy, and to be honest if I had been successful in winning her back, there would have been every chance that at some time in the near future I would have kicked her out myself.

It was never going to work. She wanted to go and see her friends in the bar every day, she was lazy and became bored very quickly and was just looking for an ATM to take care of her and her baby. All this was as clear as daylight and eventually I would have decided enough was enough.

It was just an affront to my self esteem (if I have any left) and certainly my ego. How dare she dump me!

The bottom line is that it was an excuse to start drinking again.

In attempt to shake off my infatuation with Tan, I started to line up a list of potential successors.

For I understand myself well enough to know that a new “live-in” will help me to get over the old “live-in”. That’s exactly how I finally managed to get over the separation with Dang – my wife of 6 years.

Recently I have started to develop new relationships all over the place – from Jomtien, to Walking Street, to the ‘Dark Side’ and even in Bang Chang. All these ladies were in their 20’s, some very early 20’s, some mid 20’s and one was 28. Some had a kid or kids, some had no kids. Some spoke English and had previous relationships with farangs, some were pretty new to the game and spoke no English. One was even a virgin! (Or so she claimed).

They were all very pretty – of course – but some were ‘drop dead gorgeous’ and others didn’t quite qualify for that epithet.

So I had to weigh up all these various factors when trying to narrow down the shortlist to manageable levels. A bit like trying to pick the English football team and we all know what happened to that select bunch. Maybe I should pick the team, and Capello should choose the future Mrs Mobi.

Another thing that I had to try to determine was the nature of their real feelings for me. Did they really like me or was it was all just an act to get into Mobi’s ATM?

Most important of all, was the nature of our sexual relations. Many of my previous relationships have floundered on bad a sexual relationship.

It took me many years to realise just how important good sex with your partner is. It is probably the key factor that destroyed my last marriage. Dang wasn’t getting what she wanted at home, so she decided to look for it elsewhere.

Good sex is like having a good personal relationship. Sometimes it clicks, sometimes it doesn’t. I enjoyed pretty good sex with wife number 4, (the miserable bitch who was the mother of my daughters and was married to me for 26 years), and I could always satisfy her. Dang was a much more complex matter.

It is only since I left Dang that I have really learnt the art of sex and how to be unselfish and how to satisfy most – but not all – women. In fact for quite a while I couldn’t even satisfy myself when I slept with a woman, but in the past year or so, all that is changed and I am having the greatest sex of my life, and I don’t even need the magic ‘V’.

When you succeed in satisfying a woman it brings your own satisfaction to new heights.

I decided to draw up a check list:

Kids; age; looks; dress sense; sex relationship; home town (nearer to Pattaya the better); cooking skills; good ‘homemaker’; compatibility; personality (moody, liable to anger, control tendencies etc); period of time in the ‘profession’; education standards, and so on and so forth.

After a while I managed to whittle the short list down to five lovely ladies.

The first I have written about before. Mam is a very lovely girl who works in the only go-go bar in Jomtien. She hails from Udorn and has no kids, she is 22 years old. I wasn’t too keen on her as she tends to act like an 18 year old and the most telling point against her was when she told me, in Thai, that her mum had no house – NOT YET!!

The second girl was the so-called virgin: a lovely, bubbly 22 year old from Walking Street, called Ping. She has only been in Pattaya one week, and this became apparent  when it took us two hours in broad daylight to find her room in a Soi behind Carrefour because she forgot where she lived!!!  Ping is very nice and very pretty but it was all too much for me. She actually looked younger than she was and that could be a bit worrying!

Then there was the 23 year old from Bang Chang – no kids. Onn had been in a previous relationship with a Scotsman for 6 months and spoke fair English. She wasn’t particularly beautiful, but pretty enough and she really seemed to be into me, well certain parts of me anyway. We got on really well together and she was keen to come and live with me.

The ‘Darkside’ candidate was extremely pretty. 23 years old, and had a young baby. I liked her a lot and we seemed to get on very well together. Her name is Noot, and I will write more about her below.

The final candidate was a 28 year old who worked in Pattaya. Tukta also has a very young baby (four months) who lives with her and her mother in Soi Kow Talo. She previously had a three year relationship with an Englishman, and by her own admission, she was the cause of the relationship breaking down.

In fact he still wants to get back together with her but she said it is better just to forget it and move on. ( Much like me and Tan). The baby is from a Thai man who she fell for on the rebound from the farang, and of course he promptly dumped her as soon as the baby was born.

A week or so back I went to Tan’s bar and spoke to some of her friends and they all told me that they couldn’t understand her attitude. She even refused to say ‘hello’ to me.

A couple of days later, I was still feeling pretty aggrieved, (of course I was drinking by this time), so my feelings of resentment hit the surface (in spite of the fact that I never bear any resentments) and I decided to take Tukta and her friend to Tan’s bar for a drink. I told them to dress as sexy as possible and they were happy to oblige.

Now I never bear grudges, but you should have seen the look on Tan’s face when she saw me with these two beauties. If looks could kill I would be dead, and all evening Tan pointedly sat staring at the back of the bar with a look of thunder on her face. I believe she was being ridiculous. She had broken my heart, had finished with me, would never talk to me and she would never answer my messages, so what the hell was she so mad about. What did she want me to do? Pine over her forever?

At midnight I received an sms from Tan. She said:  “If you think that bringing two girls to my bar will make me jealous then you are wrong! Take them home and fuck them!”

At least I had provoked a reaction – this was the first message I had received from her for weeks. Why did she bother?

It so happened that I had ordered some homemade sausages from the bar but had forgotten to take them with me, so the following evening, Tukta and I returned for a repeat performance (and to collect the sausages).

Tan studiously avoided me again, but after an hour or so, Tukta managed to engage her in conversation. Amazingly, and for me very satisfyingly, Tan didn’t offer any reason why she had dumped me. She didn’t complain about my behaviour or that I had done anything wrong and even told Tukta that I had treated her very well and had been very generous to her.

She gave Tukta the impression that she wouldn’t talk to me or message me and give me the final ‘heave-ho’ because she was ‘holding me in reserve’.

Then the following night, around midnight I received a call from Tan. She told me that she had a new boyfriend and had finished with me for good. I asked her where the boyfriend was, and she said he wasn’t in the country and she was waiting for him to come back. She told me she loved him and didn’t want me anymore. Yet only two weeks earlier she was asking me to take her back again. It seems pretty unlikely that she would meet, fall in love and for him to leave Thailand in the space of less than 2 weeks.

I suspect that she has taken up again with her old boyfriend but didn’t want to tell me because she had promised me faithfully that she had finished with him for good when she first came to stay with me.

Whatever – I had finally been told what I wanted to hear, and that was that. I now have total closure and can move on. It still hurts – but not a lot.

I don’t need to tell you had some very drunken sessions during this period.

A few days later I was back on the ‘Darkside’, chatting up Noot, one of my five ‘live-in’ candidates who was then at the top of my list.

Noot is very pretty and has a lovely, sexy figure. I decided to bar fine her and her friend, also lovely and sexy, and go for a meal at Tan’s bar. (Yes, the resentment was still boiling). These two girls were absolutely stunning – even more than Tukta and her friend and that’s saying something as they were also pretty exceptional.

Guess what? Tan was madder than ever. She was totally enraged. All the other girls at the bar thought it was hilarious and laughed at her but she couldn’t see the joke. Even her aunt, the bar owner, came over to me and said that she would be happy to marry me any time I liked!

I would seem I am well out of it.

I took Noot and her friend down to Walking Street and we took in a few Go-go shows and then went to Tawang Dang, a Thai night club on 3rd road and finally made it back to my condo after 4 a.m.

I was totally pissed and passed out. When I awoke, both girls had disappeared. I called Noot and she was furious with me. She told me that I spoken very badly to her and that I had played music very loud when they were trying to sleep. I have no recollection of any of this. All I could do was apologise, but since then she has refused to speak to me so God only knows what I must have said or done.

So Mam, Ping and Noot were off my short-list. That just left Onn and Tukta.

Last Monday I planned to drive down to Bang Chang and see Onn. I called ahead to make sure she was there, but as I was leaving Pattaya I received a call from Tukta who asked me to pop in and see her for five minutes as she wanted to talk to me about something.

I duly complied with Tukta’s request and was completely bowled over. I had never seen her looking so lovely. We had a few drinks, and decided: “To hell with Bang Chang”.

At this particular venue all the girls are ‘free lances’ at so they can come and go as they please. So I took Tukta and her friend out for a meal and after that we went on a bit of a drinking binge. At 4.30 a.m. I had really had enough but the girls (by now there was three of them – not too sure where we acquired the third one) wanted to go to sing in a private Karaoke room at Excite night club on Third road.

I didn’t want to go but asked Tukta if she wanted to. She said yes, so I agreed to go with them.

By this time the alcohol was weaving its evil magic on me. I wanted to go home; I needed to go home and I was aggrieved that Tukta couldn’t see this. I had asked her to help me cut down on the drinking, and she knew I had to take care of my wrist when I got home (I had to massage the scar in warm water for 15 minutes) and take a mountain of medication – at night not at dawn. If I had insisted she would have gone home with me, but I didn’t insist as I knew I was planning to make trouble.

I had sewn the seed. It’s what we alcoholics do.

We were shown into one of those awful rooms with karaoke TV screens and all kinds of electronic technology and the terrible off key singing began. Drinks were ordered, and when everything was in full swing, I made my exit. I went to reception, paid the bill and buggered off and left them to it, wondering how long it would be before someone realised I had gone.

I was staggering along Beach Road when the phone call finally came. I told Tukta in no uncertain terms what I thought of her and her friends going to Karaoke at four in the morning and rung off.

I stopped at a bar for a beer and then tried to call her back but she had closed her phone. I kept trying, but to no avail.

I thought that there was a chance she might have gone back to the condo to wait for me so I decided to go home.

But she wasn’t there, and her phone was still off.

I decided to go to her room on Soi Kow Talo where her mum was living with Tukta’s baby.

It must have been around 5.30 when I woke everyone up and within a short while the whole block was awake with the kerfuffle. Frantic phone calls were made to friends of Tukta, and eventually I was informed she was on her way back.

However, it was another hour before she finally appeared; a very angry young lady.

We chatted, I apologised profusely and eventually she came back to the condo with me where we must have crashed at about 7.30 in the morning, having been up all night. Tukta was far from happy, but at least she hadn’t dumped me – well not yet anyway.

That was last Monday. I slept most of Tuesday and Tukta went out and did some shopping and came back and cooked for me.

Since then we have been together. She is a nice girl and she cooks every day, and every day we go to see her baby and play with him for a while.

She knows I am a crazy, mixed up, self-destructive alcoholic, but so far she is prepared to try and help me sort myself out.

I am still drinking – mainly wine, and I am getting ever closer to booking myself in for a detox and therapy.

I missed two appointments with my surgeon to check up on my wrist, and when he finally saw me he castigated me for taking the splint support bandage off, and told me that the x-rays showed that the bones were not healing well. I also had bad inflammation of the scar tissue and in future I must follow his instructions.

So the splint support is back on, and it must stay there for another six weeks at least.

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