Yes, it happened again. After I published my last blog on Saturday afternoon, I went out on a binge which didn’t end until late yesterday afternoon, when two young ladies from Soi 6 in Pattaya took me home after I passed out in their bar.
Why did I do it?
I don’t really know. Most nights I usually find a lady somewhere and eventually go home in the early hours and crash. If I reach a certain point in my drinking and I haven’t yet found a satisfactory companion, I just go over the tipping point and carry on drinking, wandering from bar to bar, getting drunker and drunker, still looking for a woman, but knowing I will never find one. I just cannot bear the idea of sleeping alone, and I am also scared of sobering up, because I know I will feel so sick.
I invariably end up on the beach when dawn is breaking and end up in the hands of the beach lady walkers who are all so kind to me. I think a lot of this is due to the fact that I can speak pretty good Thai and they can communicate with me in their own language. It is a miracle I haven’t ever been rolled.
I remember teaming up with 3 girls, but have little recollection of the hours that followed except that by noon I was drinking in Soi 6.
By this time I could barely stand but continued to wander from bar to bar, drinking as I went. Then I tried to pick a fight with the owner of one of the short time bars and was lucky that he didn’t have me done over, or worse. He must have decided it wasn’t worth his effort to do anything. After all, what harm can a drunken old fool like me do?
Sometime in the late afternoon I passed out in one of the bars, and two lovely ladies escorted me back home to Jomtien. They were scrupulously honest with my money and things and couldn’t have been nicer.
I slept fitfully around the clock from around 7 p.m. yesterday to midday today.
I woke up with no appetite, despite the fact I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, and ugly red blotches all over my stomach, arms and shoulders. My face is bright red. Even more alarming is the fact that I have lost over 5 kilos in weight in 24 hours. I was 90 kilos, I am now about 84.5 kilos.
My blood sugars were very high, which is unusual for me after no food and a long drinking bout, so things are not what they should be.
After a bit of research, I have concluded that I lost so much weight because I became very dehydrated; this in turn has caused the skin problems, although it could also be some kind of an allergic reaction to the excess booze.
So I have been taking electrolytes with glasses of water, and have forced a bit of fruit and bread down my throat and hope that I can pull out of it. I may go to a doctor tomorrow if the rashes don’t start to recede.
It is now 7 pm so I have been free of alcohol for over 24 hours. I will try to make it through the night by taking a Xanax tablet which was prescribed my surgeon and tomorrow I may feel a bit better.
In any event there is no way I can drink until my body goes back to its proper colour.
I know I am mentally sick. I seem to have used up all my remaining reserves of mental strength to finally leave Dang, and I just don’t have anything left to try and carve out a new life.
I am mentally exhausted with the effort and my obsessions (with Tan etc) are completely ridiculous.
In the past, as you can see from my story, I have had many setbacks, but have always managed to pull myself together and get on with life. This time it just seems to be an unattainable goal and I always end up drinking far too much, which then makes my depression worse and worse.
I am not making any promises, as those of you who have been following my blog will know that I always relapse, but there’s no harm in trying. If nothing else, just a few days off the booze will give my body some rest.
One of the little girls who took me home yesterday stayed with me all night. She didn’t speak a word of English and is such a pretty little thing with a lovely, bubbly nature.
When she left this morning, she said she wanted to tell me three things: firstly to stop drinking or it will kill me; secondly to start loving myself. Then she said with a giggle that if I could achieve one and two then her third piece of advice was that I could love her as well.
This sage and humorous advice from such a young, badly educated farm girl, spoken to me in such a sweet innocent manner, made me cry.
You can find people with hearts of gold in the most unlikely places.
More tomorrow if I am still sober….