Jomtien, 2nd June, 2010.


My drinking is pretty much out of control and on Tuesday night Tan packed her bags and left me.

On Monday I was angry because she went out with her friends after school, never called me and turned her phone off.

I came home drunk quite late and I threw all her clothes on the floor when I found she still wasn’t home. Then I went out again and proceeded to get even drunker.

When I finally came home in the early hours, Tan was asleep on the sofa.

On Tuesday we went to eat at her ex employer’s bar/restaurant. I had been drinking all day and was pretty pissed. We still hadn’t really made up from Monday and Tan’s aunt (the bar owner) asked me what was wrong between us.

I said some bad things about Tan to her Aunt and all her friends at the bar. Basically I said she was lazy – which she is – and didn’t take care of me very well – which she doesn’t, but it really isn’t a big deal.  I said it in a bad, drunken way in front of everyone, and of course she lost a lot of face.

She drove me home then packed her bags and left. I can’t blame her. I know it’s all my fault. Who wants to live with a drunken slob who insults you in public?

She may come back, but I doubt it. She is really angry and maybe it’s all for the best. She is a very sexy, lovely girl and all the men go crazy about her, so it shouldn’t be too hard for to find another sugar Daddy- someone who behaves a bit better than me.

So I have been drinking a lot, and am lurching from terrible hangovers to being pissed again.

I’m not sure where this will end. I’m getting into a vicious cycle where I have to drink to stop myself from feeling so bad.


I am speaking to Dave again. He is drinking, has admitted to me that he can never stop and accepts he will die soon.

A few days ago he fell down once again and smashed his head open yet again. He has to go to hospital every day to have it dressed.


What a fucking pair!

11 thoughts on “Jomtien, 2nd June, 2010.”

  1. Life is short Mobi, live it how you want. Change only if YOU really want to change, and not because you do not fit to the rest of the world’s ideas about how an old guy should fit into society!

    Remember you are in your sunset years and soon you may not have the ability to enjoy life. It is not the years lived, it is what you can fit into the sort time given. Live it up and enjoy the alcohol, sex, young women, and learn to deal with the negatives like hangover’s, depression or what ever else is the devil riding on your back.

    I will have a round tonight in celebration of being a functional alcoholic and PROUD of it!

    Live life hard, live life fast, and most of all ENJOY IT cause unlike a movie there will be no rerun !

    Cheers Mobi !

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  2. Oh, Dear. Many is the time that I have over-reacted when under the influence of drink. Last time I railled against the guy sharing the flat where I stay. Suffice to say he was an asshole and deserved it, but it was me who got carted off to jail for the weekend. You think at the time drink is your friend, but it is only in the cold light of morning that you realise that drink was not your friend, but your enemy.

    If you can’t control the drink, then the drink will control you. That’s your choice. But it must be a bad bender this time because you haven’t written for so long. Please straighten out and get writing again!

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  3. Dear Mobi,
    Maybe you should try to take a trip with some relief group to Cambodia or Burma or the like to visit some people who truly have it rough – and not completely through their own making…. Maybe that could give you both some purpose, some perspective and an appreciation of how good you really have it.
    as it is, you have not posted for 6 days and I can only assume you are on an unending bender, drowning your selfpity in alcohol and feeling very sorry for poor old Mobi. And what is there really to feel so sorry for? that a 22 year old bar girl does not love you? And that the next one or the one after that did not either? If that is the extend to which you measure your success in life, that is just sad. Of course we know it is rather how you create an illusion of sadness that leads back to more drinks. And while every man should have a hobby, your is clearly killing you.
    An honest question would be whether you actually do want to stop drinking, or whether you just feel that you should, being politically correct and all.
    Maybe it is just better for you to continue with business as usual and get a few last years in the twilight zone?

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  4. Hi! I read almost all of “Moby’s story” and there is just one thing I cant understand. Why the hell you have to be so hyperactive all the time? And messing around girls younger than your daughters? It doesnt take to be an alcoholic to get worn out living so fast. Cant you just go fishing, read some good books or…. just watch clouds to fly by.

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  5. Well I am sorry to hear that Mobi

    As for “My drinking is pretty much out of control”

    You see it & now you will fix it. Your the only one who can …you know that yes?

    It is good that you blog because even you can look back at these & I am sure you will see a pattern.

    They…the girls & the drinking are in a strange sense joined aren’t they?
    Something seems missing too…..

    How did you go from being so content with Tan & full of hope to being wasted & saying many things to push her away?

    You basically said she was not all the things that the one before her was….Yet you thought the one before was too much caring for you right?

    Ok forget all that for now…..Perhaps you do not need to be in a constant pair. Not everyone is meant to be or needs to be.

    Get to where you need to be. You know you can….You are stronger than some beverage/drug. Look at where you have been in life & what you have been through.

    Kicking booze is no big deal ….dont let your body/mind fool you into thinking it is. You see the result…You see Dave…You need not be a fucking pair as you put it.

    Fuck the crutch you dont need it. Look away…literally!
    Every time you feel the need…look away physically & mentally. IMMEDIATELY just turn your mind elsewhere literally for that moment & it will pass.

    Good Luck Moby I mean that !

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  6. I never heard before that she was lazy and that she did not take care of you!

    So if she left by herself that was good, you did not need to kick her out!

    I think you should stop drinking alcohol, it is not good for your health and id is not good for your life!

    Take care!

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  7. What can i say …. ?

    Accept she wants you for money and you want her for her body and leave it at that. Don’t be jealous. You must KNOW she’s gonna fuck some other dude – for fun or money.

    True love will never be there.

    Same old story I hear from you … I understand Thai woman … this one is different … she young hot and has no money … I think she really likes me. I give her money … she doesn’t really like me.

    WAKE UP!

    Baclofen is the way out. Try it.

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  8. It”s a fight for your live Mobi. you are one of millions with the dreadful disease. My father was an alcoholic, dry for the last few years of life only because he was to ill to get alcohol. He would manipulate anyone in an effort to get a drink. We had to fire the gardner, keep mouthwash out of the house etc. It was a slow, painful deplorable death. We do laugh now after five years, at the length and ingenuity he would go to get a bottle.

    I too have had my battles with the demon drink as a youth but have been saved by a beautiful woman, 28 years of marriage and a proud profession. There is nothing in this world worth losing a loving, caring, nurturing woman. The first time she told me that my drinking was effecting her feelings for me is when I said enough. I also had a child and decided he would never see his father make an ass out of himself, he’s 21 and so far so good.

    Children of alcoholics are damaged goods, no fault of their own. The bottom line is all any human wants is to be is loved, When you didn’t get the proper nurturing as a child, you spend your life looking to fill that void. Many will find love but sabotage the very thing they need because of the damage done and they feel they are unworthy as that little child they once were.

    Many have suggested that you remain alone for awhile and face your demons. I have suggested you enter a professional center. I don’t think that they are anymore successful than A.A.. They can only help you with the pain of the withdraws and monitor your health. You need a good and proper physical as a start to taking care of yourself. Many have died trying to stop drinking/drugging on their own. I have seen D.T.’s up close and personal and it is not pretty.

    Face it Mobi it has been a good run, but its a younger mans lifestyle that you lead. You can’t handle the physical/mental pain anymore and drink to make it go away.

    Unfortunately your drug of choice has turned against you and you are now a slave to a bottle. You my friend are a liquor companies dream, a person with means addicted to their product.

    Your desire to be loved is as natural as breathing. Your choice of women to fill your desire is what is foolish. What you want, they don’t have. I don’t think bar girls( prostitutes) are bad people anymore then I think alcoholics are. They are both people who have made bad decisions. In an effort to improve their lives and looking for love and security, most of these women have actually made them worse.

    I understand a man has needs, but this should be strictly a business deal. One time and out, no relationship or sugar daddy involvement. You have enough problems without taking on theirs. You should know by now that there is no such thing as free sex, emotional involvement with these women are a fools game. You’ll continue to lose like a rigged carnival game. You need companionship get another dog.

    Mobi I know that deep down you know all this. You are stuck on a marry-go-round and can’t get off. Be aware that there are also millions of men stuck in loveless relationships that would trade places with you in a heartbeat. They know that they are going to die too, just to be rid of the old ball and chain, to feel that lust for a young woman just one more time before they die.

    So don’t despair, the grass always looks greener on the other side. The alcohol is the main problem because of what it does to your health! The women well they are a necessity but you don’t have to move them in as a distraction to your delicate situation.

    I will leave it up to you whether to post this or not, it is meant as support for you not in anyway to hurt you. I do sometimes get aggravated when you have went full circle and are back where you started. I apologize for this, if anybody should know what a struggle you face it is me. My father was a proud, tough and physically strong man. In the end the bottle beat him and he knew it and I think it was his heartfelt regret of what harm it did to his relationships with his family. I wanted to give him a bottle so bad, because at what point does it cease to matter?

    Good luck Mobi I’m rooting for you.

    Rebel

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  9. Ever thought about going to that Wat that detoxes people?. Very high success rate. Not far from Pattaya.

    But you sure do have destructive personality, no doubt as a result of your early years before you could leave home.
    I’ve seen this countless times, a violent and drunk Father with kids turning to smack, speed, drink, glue. Take your choice.

    Another choice would be a shrink to work out why the self destruction. Certainly in Bangkok at the Government hospital at Anusaburi Chai (Victory Monument) they have a lady who trained in the US and is fluent in English. Virtually free.

    Wednesday mornings only. Why don’t you book yourself into the Naval hospital in Sattahip, extremely good treatment for any disorder and not expensive – they will put you on a regime for 7-10 days and not let you out of their sight. I had a friend stuck in there a few years ago and he was on a bottle of Saeng Som before lunchtime, and, in a real bad way. Came out looking good, and to my knowledge hasn’t had a drink since. (He was in for 2 weeks).

    Do think of the options.

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  10. Moby,

    Calm down.

    Don’t go crazy and go on binges (yes plural).

    Take a deep breath, there are plenty of young girls in Pataya that wants to have a sugar daddy.

    Or, if you want Tan back. Tell her ! Don’t be surprised if she says yes. Just make sure you are sober when telling her.

    Good luck and don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol.

    Best regards,
    Foreplay

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