Today is the second day of my sobriety.
Yes, here we go again. My latest lapses followed the same, familiar pattern so I won’t bore you with too much detail.
I will just say that on both recent occasions when I have picked up a drink, I have been in a bar for quite a long time without drinking, when I finally gave in to temptation.
On the last occasion, (Wednesday), I was back out in east Pattaya to catch up with a friend from Canada who I hadn’t seen since the middle of last year.
I met him at around three thirty p.m. at his favourite watering hole, and we were joined by a couple of my old drinking buddies. They drank beer, and I drank soda water, Coke and coffee until six thirty p.m. By this time, they were getting drunk, and I was getting bored and increasingly desperate for a “proper” drink.
Then I did something that only a full blown alcoholic can do. I asked them to help me decide. I told them I had two choices: I either left them to go back to Pattaya and attend an AA meeting, or I stayed there and ordered a beer.
Being pretty decent types, albeit heavy drinkers on the verge of alcoholism, they declined to become involved, so I made my own decision, and ordered my first beer.
You will be pleased to learn that I didn’t drive again that evening and was chauffeured around by my friend’s lady, who wasn’t drinking.
I don’t think I really drank that much but it went to my head, especially when I switched to red wine, and by one a.m., I was very sloshed.
I have little recollection of being dropped back home, and yesterday I was feeling very ill.
Yesterday, I stayed home until evening, at which point I had to go out and collect my car. So I had a long time alone to think about things and reluctantly, I came to the logical conclusion that I am never going to change my life around and stay sober if I continue to spend so much of my time in bars – even if I am not drinking.
I thought I could handle it but I now accept that it is totally the wrong environment for a struggling alcoholic, with all the hang ups that I have. I now know that bars will be the death of me if I don’t take immediate steps to keep away from them, and the girls that work there.
I don’t know how long this will last, but I actually feel quite positive about my resolve to stay away from bars – at least girlie bars. I may still go in the occasional pub for a meal, but I will even try to avoid these until I have chalked up some sobriety.
I know you have all heard this kind of stuff before, and you know as well as I do how weak I am. During the entire period of time that I have tried to seriously stop drinking, I have never even considered the idea of staying away from bars or at least curtailing the number of visits.
Now I know that it is my only hope, as all other efforts have failed.
Yesterday evening I went to an AA meeting, and this morning I attended another. They say a newly sober alcoholic must attend ninety meetings in ninety days, and I will try to do that.
I won’t say that yesterday I had a ‘conversion on the road to Damascus’, for it is far too early to for me to say that I have finally seen the light, but once again, I will try to give it my best shot.
Wish me luck folks.