Jomtien, 7th February, 2010.


Today is the first day of my latest attempt at sobriety.

I remained sober on 5th, and also up to about 10 p.m. On 6th (yesterday)

Then I drove home, parked my car and walked to Jomtien and started drinking.

I ended up at at all night bar near the Hanuman Statue, where I met a nice , very gentle, very polite lady.

I bought her a few drinks and she told me she had just started her first day’s work at a bar, having travelled from her home that morning. She was 45 years old and I felt really sorry for her, having to turn to prostitution at her age to pay for her two sons’ schooling.

She was completely exhausted but had to stay there until 7.30 in the morning when her shift finished. So I paid her bar fine and told her to go home and get some sleep.

I finally staggered home at around 5 a.m. and slept until 11 a.m.

I have to get myself out of this vicious cycle of bars, women and booze. It is destroying me.

I attended meetings on 5th and 6th , but still started drinking.

I may go to Phnom Penh next week for a few days and spend a some time there with my friend who is scheduled to be passing through.

Maybe a change of scenery will be good for me.

6 thoughts on “Jomtien, 7th February, 2010.”

  1. I have been thinking about doing that for a long time.

    It’s a sort of “chicken and egg” situation.

    Do I wait until my life is on a more even keel before committing myself to something like that, or do I just get involved and hope that it helps to stabilize my life?

    I have always leaned towards the former rather than the latter, as I hate to let anyone down.

    What do you think?

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    1. Mobi,
      Dont know you but saw your site & read…..Wow

      As to your chicken & the egg question I think it would appear apparent which comes first.

      You go NOW knowing that it will stabilize your life.
      It is a nice notion that we can help ourselves & yes some can.
      But having read pretty much your whole blog & think I can say you cannot…at this time anyway.

      Good luck to you I hope you are successful in beating this.
      Both my parents were alcoholics…It is a tough way to go.
      As you now see with your pal Dave. Also if you have someone who loves you it is very hard on them to watch the end.

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  2. Hi Mobi,

    I was thinking about your side of the abstinence argument and my previous comments on managing drink and I just wonder whether your setting the bar too high, as in search of some impossible dream, abstinence in your case, that you are not perhaps creating an atmosphere where you accept constant failure but still aspire to reach this “end of the rainbow” place ?

    In the last couple of episodes you recall a couple of times when you were drinking but seemingly in control. Certainly you did not pass out. Yes, you did have a totally drunken night and got on the phone, creating problems for yourself but you didn’t go driving.

    Some people give up smoking in stages and others just stop. Some cannot just chuck it in and maybe you are that way with drink. You are certainly going to be preached to that it is total abstinence at AA and maybe that is the holy grail but if you can’t have that, is it better to settle for something more achievable rather than continuing with boom and bust ?

    I think it is.

    How you manage it I do not know but going out very late (and I am a night owl) and parading around bars, presumably in search of female company, is not the answer.

    Do you notice the one common thing in all your drinking ? It is you alone, every time, hookers excepted. Maybe there is something in that ?

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    1. In my case I believe that total abstinence is the only way. It is the only way for all ‘genuine’ alcoholics and we cannot, in the long run, drink like normal people. I have dealt with this subject in today’s blog.

      As far as drinking alone is concerned; of course you are 100% correct. But the point is that I have no desire to drink with anyone – except whores. It is in the nature of most alcoholics to drink alone. It is all part of our disease. We may drink with friends on occasion, but in the end we will be alone, and that’s the way we want it.

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  3. Mobi,
    I have enjoyed reading your blog the last few weeks… I also enjoy watching train wrecks. Doesn’t seem to be much difference between the two. I don’t feel sad for you. I don’t pity you. We all create the kind of world we want and then deal with what life throws at us. It’s a process. The more anarchy and chaos we surround ourselves with, the more suffering we seem to experience.

    Please know you have much more goodness in you than hate, fear and loathing. You need to mindfully tap that stream of goodness. I’ve found one of the quickest and most complete methods of healing is to start helping others. It’s called “See a need and take joy in fulfilling it… and ask NOTHING in return.” One simply does it because it’s the right thing to do… expecting as much as a thank you… diminishes it.

    It shouldn’t be hard Mobi, you’re in a target rich environment of need. Find it in a school, a hospital or a village that simply could use clean water and see what you can do to help. If you think saving bar girls and healing sick mothers and cows in Issan is your calling… that’s your calling… but we all know you can do better. It can’t hurt to try.

    In life each of us votes with our time and we vote with our resources as to what kind of world we want. It’s your choice. I trust you may soon figure out what truly works for you and pulls you out of this downward spiral.

    BTW, got an old friend near Angkor Wat… you may want to look him up if you get near there next week. He’s a very unassuming fellow who’s on his own path and is finding his way. You can read a bit about him at: http://buddhas.weebly.com/
    You two should talk.

    Most Heartfelt Regards My Friend,

    Turk

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    1. Turk, Thank you for you comments.

      As I have stated many times, I am not seeking sympathy, and do not expect any. I am the result of my own actions and no one need feel any pity for me.

      Your suggestions of helping others is very similar to a large chunk of the AA programme. They discovered many decades ago that it is within one’s own character defects that one can find the solution to the problem of staying sober, and one of the key things to do is to rid oneself of selfishness and reach out to other alcoholics, and indeed anyone who maybe in need of help.

      BTW, I have been to Angkor Wat and found it truly awe inspiring.

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