Jomtien, 19th January 2010

Surprise, surprise; I still haven’t managed to achieve 24 hours of sobriety.


Once again, I made it to 10 p.m. and then ‘picked up’. It is becoming a familiar pattern. I stayed at home all day yesterday. In the morning, my nympho girlfriend called and said she wanted to come and see me, so she duly arrived and we spent a pleasant couple of hours together.

Then she went off to work and I spent the rest of the day clearing up my condo and working on my computer.

By 9 p.m. I was getting pretty hungry, and being too lazy to cook anything, I went off to the local pub for a bite to eat. By this time my body was completely free of alcohol, and I felt pretty good, but when I arrived at the pub and was asked what I wanted to drink, for some unaccountable reason I ordered a beer rather than the cup of tea I had planned to order. Why did I do this? Because I am weak and stupid?

Yes, both of the forgoing. I am also sick – my mind is sick. Sometimes it seems that my mind is under the control of an alien influence. Alcohol is more than just an addictive substance; it is something that takes over one’s very mind and soul.

So one beer followed another, and then one Sangsom followed another, and before I knew it, it was 2 a.m. and I was in my third bar. I decided to drive around to Jomtien beach and go to another one of my locals that was usually open until at least 3 or 4 a.m., but to my dismay they had closed early. I curb-crawled the length and breadth of Jomtien but failed to find an open bar. There were a few late openers around the area of the Hanuman Statue, but they didn’t look very inviting, so I decided to drive to Walking Street where I knew I could find bars open 24/7.

But as I drove out of Jomtien and  was about the pass the entrance  to my Condo entrance, I made a momentous decision. It may not seem much, but to me it was significant. I said to myself:

WTF are you driving to Walking Street  for at 2.30 in the morning. What good will it do you? You’re already half pissed, and if you go there you will drink all night, spend a lot of money and feel like shit again.”

Good question. I had no rational answer, so I turned into the condo entrance and drove home.

I took two anti histamine tablets and an extra anti depressant to help me sleep, and crashed about 3 a.m. After eight full hours of deep sleep, I awoke, feeling sleepy, but refreshed, and with only a slight  hangover.

So today I will try again. Maybe I can make it this time.


Here’s a comment that I received yesterday that I will publish in my main blog, together with my response.


Dude, on January 19th, 2010 at 10:29 am Said: Edit Comment

Man, you are completely nuts. Why on earth would you want to marry an alcoholic hooker who you don’t trust and is clearly only with you because you pay her to be? Because she looks “classy” in her figure hugging bar clothes?

I have a few friends who have had successful relationships with ex-bar girls. The only way it can be done is if you remove money from the equation. If not, you’ll never trust her and treat her as a whore; and she’ll never trust you and see you only as a customer.

And sod the AA. That’s not what you need. You need to see a proper therapist who can deal with all your issues. The booze seems the least of your worries. You have money left, so spend it wisely on a good shrink.

mobi, on January 19th, 2010 at 1:26 pm Said: Edit Comment

Yes, I am completely nuts and have said as much on many occasions in my blog.

But with respect, you seem to have missed the point of my blog.

I am writing a true account of what has happened in my life, and in fact the story of my wedding to Dang in yesterday’s blog occurred five years ago.

I am also writing about my daily struggles with life in ‘paradise’, and my fight against alcoholism, so for you to tell me I am nuts and should avoid avaricious bar girls is pointless and unhelpful. I have never attempted to deny my irrational and extremely ludicrous behaviour.

The debate about whether a farang can ever have a long, happy and successful relationship with an ex bar girl has been raging, back and forth for as long as farangs have been indulging in such activities.

Many farangs try to deny the origins of their relationship; others pretend all is well, when the reality is that very often, the marriage is a miserable disaster. Of course there are always exceptions, but in my 37 years experience of Thailand, I would assert that the truly successful ones are few and far between.

But that doesn’t stop me, and countless thousands of other farangs, forever trying to prove that it can work, even though we know in our heart that it can never be so.

Again, with respect, how can you possibly know that booze isn’t at the root of my problems? OK, you could argue that problems in life can turn you to booze, and I have already blogged that I was abused by a domineering father from a very young age, (a very common issue with many alcoholics), and at some point turned to booze for solace and relief.

But it doesn’t matter what turns a person to alcohol in the first place, the fact remains that once they are alcoholics, it then becomes the main problem, and all behaviour from then on is predicated by an increasingly alcohol-befuddled brain. It is only by stopping drinking, and then trying to sort their lives out that alcoholics can stay sober and find happiness.

I have had some therapy, which I will write about later, and even though I now have less faith in AA than I did a few months ago, I still accept that AA is probably the only way forward for people like me, and my best chance of reaching sobriety.

And now the conclusion to the account of Mobi’s unforgettable wedding day:


MOBI’S STORY – (PART 35)

THE RETIREMENT YEARS (CONTINUED)

“It’s time for wife number 5”


The area was strewn with empty bottles, half eaten food and other litter, and a few drunken groups were still defying gravity and sipping beer or whisky from half empty glasses.

Dang was sitting at a table with her friends from Bangkok, and I joined them. To my relief, she declared that she was tired and told me she was going to bed. As she staggered towards the house, one of her friends called out from the table. I cannot recall exactly what was said, but I do remember that it was something inoffensive – just a joke, but in her alcohol fueled brain, Dang took umbrage. She turned back to the table and started shouting and screaming at her friend. The friend screamed back, before you knew what was happening a full scale brawl was in progress.

Friends and family eventually separated the two fighting women, who continued to shout abuse at each other, but before you knew it, everyone started to take sides and joined in the arguing and shouting. The whole affair looked in imminent danger of getting out of control, and quite possibly dangerous.

I was disgusted. What a brilliant conclusion to our wedding night – a drunken brawl. Of course I was also drunk, and as I watched Dang continuing her never ending tirade against her life long friend, I became infuriated with her and went over to her and told her so. I asked her why she had to spoil everything and why did she had to pick fights with friends who had traveled all the way from Bangkok to help her celebrate her wedding.

It was the worse thing I could have done.

Dang immediately turned on me and changed the direction of the fight form one between friends to one between newly married husband and wife. She accused me of being disloyal, of not supporting her, and preferring to take herb friend’s side, and all kinds of other nonsense. She went on and on, but her extremely inebriated state was starting take hold of her. She could barely stand or speak rationally and looked in danger of passing out. So a few of her family grabbed hold of her and half dragged, half carried her upstairs to the bedroom, where she passed out.

I didn’t follow. I was too worried that she might wake up and continue the fight – something she had done on a number of previous occasions. So I sat back down at the table with her friends and family and had a few more drinks while all those present offered there sympathies to me that the night had turned into such a catastrophe. After a while I decide to creep upstairs and see if I could quietly creep in next to Dang and get some long needed sleep. But Dang must have woken up at some point, because I found the bedroom door locked and I couldn’t get in.

So I slept on the floor downstairs, and upon awakening a few hours later, I climbed into my car and drove back to Bangkok – alone.

A wonderful start to our married life together.

14 thoughts on “Jomtien, 19th January 2010”

  1. Dear Mobi,

    Although I agree with your assessment of the comments from the “Dude”, I do think he brings up a valid point. Isn’t living in a place like Pattaya just asking for trouble? If your goal is sobriety, shouldn’t you move somewhere else where the temptations are not as great? Yes, I know that alcohol can be found most anywhere, but Pattaya offers up the lethal dose of cheap booze on display on nearly every block with cheap women to boot. These two “vices” seem to be the two leading causes behind your misfortune.

    hoping for the best for you, Mobi!

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  2. while Dude may have been a bit harsh and I myself put it pretty bluntly a while back we both brought up the same issue which is the fact that so long as you continue to remain in a city that is loaded with bars, partying tourists and ex-pats as well as hookers you really are setting yourself up for failure. I’ve said for years that if I ever lived in Pattaya I would surely be an alcoholic because there is nothing else to do there. Now I’m sure you can name a few people who don’t drink, such as your AA friends, but I think you get the point…..an alcoholic in Pattaya is like a kid in a candy shop. You haven’t actually acknowledge this in either case where this was pointed out to you. I’m not judging your past life as I am a fairly heavy drinker but I do think you are going to have to consider moving to a more conducive environment if you are truly to ever stop drinking. Just my opinion and I certainly am no expert. I do enjoy reading your site and appreciate the honesty of your tale.

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  3. First I admire that you put your self out there in the raw, from your perspective.

    Like any story, there is your side, their side and the truth. From years of dealing with alcoholic-drug abusers, (more often then not they do both) they will continue to relapse until they choose the truth versus their stories. The stories are always tainted and fuzzy, a side effect of the abuses.

    TRUTHS

    1. There are more functional alcoholics and drug abusers then homeless and broke chronic abusers. We tend to notice or pity the street bum over the functional and many times under the radar abusers. The results are the same from a life of abuse, the time curve of ill effects will differ on a case by case basis. The number of senior abusers are increasing at an alarming rate, above and beyond the increased population percentages. Many have become addicts by prescription, taking their drug of choice chased by their drink of choice with the disposable income to support both.

    2. Most substance abusers will continue to abuse as a matter of choice. You can’t expect different results while making the same choices. You sir are obviously a talented and intelligent man, yet you expect different results while repeating the same behaviors. It takes at least 18 months to establish a new normal, you set yourself up for failure by remaining in or creating the same environment over and over again. You then use that failure as an excuse to drink. YOUR CHOICE!

    3. The substance abuse originates as character flaw of unknown origin. ( See a professional ) It escalates to a mental and physical dependence to cope with life and its problems. We are not all created alike and the stresses of our existence effect us all different. Substance abuse in many cases is just a poor choice, masking as coping strategy.

    4. The human being thrives on pleasure, whatever it abuses to satisfy an unbalanced approach to life and its problems will eventually turn against you. Be it food, booze, drugs ,sex, work, money,religion or any combination etc . Obviously some choices tend to have less collateral damage then others.

    5. Everyone has problems, it is the reaction to the problem that in most cases causes more damage then the problem in and of itself. There is nothing like common sense, the ability to learn from someone else’s mistakes not to mention your own is priceless!

    I hope you find peace MOBI, I will continue to read about your life events. You have a talent for writing, just not to sure about your common sense.

    Respectfully

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    1. Thank you Rebel for your comments.

      I appreciate all the points you have made, all of which I agree with and will try to deal them in my blog the days and weeks ahead.

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  4. Hi Mobi,

    I’ve just spent two days reading your blog from start to finish (on recommendation) … great read.

    As a 50+ year old who continues to also fight his demons (gambling + drinking … but only one ex-wife) we share a lot in common. I don’t count women as demons .. generally …

    I also worked as an expat and lived in Lagos, Warri, Port Harcourt .. and lived in Jomtiem and have travelled a lot through work … know the pressures .. I’ve drunk too much, gambled too much .. had affairs … so I can empathise… but why the need to marry Thai girls so often when you know the pitfalls and can rent by the hour so easily .. your choice of course.

    I’m not into AA or GA or SA for that matter but reading your incredible rise in the business world from a non-qualified background (as I have) … I just wonder if your life was a project how would you evaluate the way you have managed it? This is self analysis .. not some higher power and I expect it may take a few days to digest and give yourself your annual appraisal for 2009 ….. my own is pretty good up until October and then the roof fell in .. lots of cash and access to web casinos.

    But in the end mate you’re intelligent, mid 60s, you don’t owe anyone anything so go enjoy yourself .. and lose the hangers on … take a cruise … Sydney and the Gold / Sunshine coats are great at this time of year .. you owe it to yourself … and it will be tme better spent than on Walking Street.

    Take Care .. you have a new fan .. and write that book … it’s better than Hardship Postings …. and some other book by a guy called Pete who spent his life in Soi nana (forget the name of the book for now but was also a great read).

    And by the way I love Thailand ….

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  5. Your blog is now one of the first sites i check in the morning and it gets better and better. I have been an avid reader for many months now, and in fact commented previously that this would make a great book.

    This blog is now attracting some attention and no doubt you will get increasing comments like the one above. Personally, i think you have explained youself enough that there is no need to answer each hate mail that you will most likely receive.

    Keep it coming……

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    1. Thank you MSB for your kind comments.

      Trying to find the correct way to deal with people like Dude is difficult. I remain resolved to do my best not to censor or block comments, regardless of the opinions they express, as to do so would dilute the integrity which I am striving to maintain. I will publish any opinions, or advice for that matter, provided that they aren’t couched in excessive personal attacks or abusive language, or knowingly or unknowingly distort or twist the facts, despite my attempts to clarify what I have written.

      More today….

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  6. The fact that you remain in Pattaya which is an ugly dump of a place which serves no purpose other than to f_uck hookers and get drunk shows that you don’t want to stop.

    You havent stop sleeping with drunk hookers or going to bars.

    You want to keep hanging out with the worst hookers and hang with the worst drunks so when you sober up you can say poor me, why am I so unlucky that I have this terrible disease. It’s not a disease.

    It’s all about you needing to pity yourself. This blog is just a huge out pouring of self pity.

    Either embrace your life as a whore mongering drunk, or stop. Putting yourself in temptations way all the time is daft. Would a life of sobriety be worth giving up bar hopping and doing cheap tarts? If not, don’t try stopping, you’ll never succeed.

    Your response to the whole drink driving question raised by someone else was just another pathetic self pitying response. Are you now telling us that you are addicted to drink driving? Until you have been at least a week sober, don’t drive when you go out in the evenings.

    You really seem like your heading to be the latest member of the Pattaya flying club. For innocent peoples sake I hope you do before killing someone else.

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    1. I have tried to respect your point of view and reply to your provocative comments in a polite manner.

      Yet you keep on insulting me, and accusing me of pitying myself and saying things like: Poor me, why am I so unlucky that I have this terrible disease.

      Please show me where I have pitied myself or claimed that I am unlucky or in any way have solicited sympathy. I have already told you – this is an honest account of my life – and there is nothing in it that can be justified in any way shape or form. But I do not pity myself – nor do I ask for sympathy.

      You continue to distort and twist the motivation for my blog, and I must advise you that very regrettably, I will not allow anymore insulting comments from you if you insist on writing in this manner.

      From what appears to be a “holier than thou” person who always knows best, you have a distinctly filthy manner of writing, and you are completely lacking in understanding or compassion for your fellow man. It tells us more about you than it does about me.

      And finally, just about all the leading medical and health professional opinion throughout the world is unanimous in believing that alcoholism is indeed a disease. You are gravely mistaken in your views on this and are clearly and extremely opinionated person who refuses to take due regard of facts and reason.

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