Today I have been sober for 124 days.
Yesterday I received a call from my friend whose wife is acting as an intermediary with my wife. He told me that my wife was getting very ‘het up’ about having to wait for her expenses to be reimbursed, and wanted the intermediary to pay her up front, before the bills were paid. Of course she was refused this request. She has been getting progressively more unreasonable and finding fault with our agreed arrangements. I wondered if she is once again drinking too much. She also asked the intermediary if she was sure that I still wanted to sell the house!! Again, all symptoms of an alcohol disturbed mind.
Later evening, I met up with a couple of my AA friends with their girlfriends in Jomtien, a few minutes’ walk from my condo.
I took them on a tour of the “Mobi condo” and then we jumped in the car and drove back along Jomtien beach to look for somewhere to eat. We finally found a lovely little place, near Jomtien Boat House, and had an excellent meal, with Mobi in particular, stuffing himself silly.
It was around 10.30 p.m. by the time we had finished eating; my friends wished to return to Pattaya to watch the midnight festivities, so they jumped on a baht Bus, and I drove home.
At midnight I went out on my balcony and had a spectacular view of two different firework displays, one on Jomtien beach, and the other on the North side, presumably Pattaya, but I am not sure.
I then put on a movie – Godfather part 1, and lay in bed hoping for an early sleep, but I only succeeding in dropping off at around 2.30 a.m. after I took a sleeping draft.
Consequently, today I did not make the morning meeting – yet again.
Yesterday was notable for me for several reasons. First and foremost it was the first festive season I can recall that I have lived through, without the aid of alcohol. And what is more, at no time did I even hanker after a drink; I was quite content to sip soft drinks and water. Also of significance for me was the fact that I enjoyed a long meal with two couples and at no time did I have the urge to get away and slink off to a bar and find some female companionship. This has always been the case in the past when I have found myself in a group, but with no female companion. I really enjoyed the meal and the company, and was happy to be with them ‘alone’. Finally I had no desire hit the highlights after my friends departed, and was happy to go home to ‘ring in’ the New Year all by myself.
For now my depression seems to have lifted, and I am quite happy with my own company. Who knows how long this state of contentment will continue? Fingers crossed.
Today, Dave’s ex wife called me from the South of Thailand. I feared the worst, but it was mainly a call to wish me a Happy New year, and to update me on Dave’s condition. She told me that some of Dave’s friends had turned up on Christmas Day with food and booze, and that Dave had indulged in alcohol, (wine), but not to excess. She also confirmed that Dave had been drinking beer regularly, but again, in moderation. She told me that she wasn’t sure when she would return to Bangkok and asked when I was planning to go there. She also told me that she hadn’t heard from Dave since Christmas Day (she went down south on Boxing Day) when his friends came round, so she didn’t know what his current state of health was. I told her that I had no plans to see Dave, as it will only further encourage him to drink. He would think that he could continue to rely on my support. However, if he collapsed again or if anything life threateneing should occur then she should let me know, and I would come to Bangkok to see what I could do.
Her call led me to contemplate a few things. I was pretty upset with his ‘so called friends’ who disappear for months at a time when he could have done with their support, and then turn up on Christmas Day and help him to get drunk. They know as well as I do how precarious Dave’s health is, and I believe their act, although undoubtedly well meaning, was irresponsible. But all of these ‘friends’ are heavy drinkers themselves, so it is inevitable that they would do something like this – I sort of expected it. It is probably just as well that I have cut off communications, as I am quite sure I would have had a major row with them, had I been with Dave at the time. More to the point, according to his lady, (who I have no reason to doubt), Dave was definitely drinking again on a regular basis. His lady told me he was controlling his consumption. But I have seen this so many times; he even lies to everyone about how much he is really drinking. Over time, maybe a few weeks, his consumption will get higher and higher, and eventually he will collapse again, and the next time it will almost certainly be fatal.
I think I am going to lose Dave in 2010.
If you look at the “comments” on my December 26th, 2009 blog, you will see the following comment, which I have re-printed here in the body of my blog for clarity:
stephanie, on December 26th, 2009 at 4:47 pm Said:
Dude, you a self pitying pathetic man. I found your blog a while back and read most of it. The way you deal with people, from you’re ex-wives / girlfriends, to your life long pals is appalling. All you spout is poor me, poor me and dont think about how you treat others. The way you left you wife was horrible. The way you are dealing with your friend Dave is horrible. You seem to paint people as black or white, good or evil. Your latest fling is the same. We went from a great girl who didn’t want money to a money grabbing bitch. Look at yourself. Why have you had six failed marriages?
From what i’ve read your wife doesn’t seem that bad. The worse you’ve said about her seem fairly normal in any relationship. You accuse her (and all theThai women of being unfaithful) yet you state you had fun on the side. Your wife kept a nice home, while you were getting drunk every night. You are lucky she stgayed with you!!!
You paint a very sorry picture of yourself. No wonder your alone. I hope you spend this time to look at yourself and stop blaming other people. Maybe then you will come out of this as happy person who DESERVES a relationship.
Mobi, on January 1, 2010 at 12.50 pm Replied:
Thank you for your comments.
I have already replied in my blog in general terms that although to some extent you are correct in your accusations, you seem to have missed the point that I have never claimed that I was anything other than a pathetic self centred drunk, and to my knowledge I have never blamed anyone for what has happened to me in my life.
In fact since I have been sober I no longer bear any resentments against anyone I have known in my life.
As for your assertion that: “your wife doesn’t seem that bad”, you obviously have taken no account of what I have written about my two daughters’ opinions of their mother, and the fact that they both totally supported what I did.
I make no claims for myself, but I can assure you that both my daughters are intelligent, well balanced and mature adults, and they have mercifully risen above their mother’s domineering behaviour and the mental cruelty they suffered at her hands, and lead happy, meaningful lives. I could tell you stories that would make you hair curl about my wife’s behaviour to her children but decided that I would draw the line at that level of detail.
Yes, I accused her of being unfaithful because she clearly was – by her own and her family’s admittance. And remember, when she left me in Thailand to go and shack up with some rich customer, I was left at home looking after her young daughter. (By the way, did I ever relate how my wife finally turned up back home with a brand new car?)
I am no saint, and have never claimed to be. But my own unfaithful dalliances have always followed a familiar pattern. With very few exceptions I have always remained faithful until I knew without doubt, that the person I was living with had made the first move down the path to infidelity.
I was totally faithful to Noi until she became a night club singer and stopped coming home at night. And even then, when we moved to the UK I was faithful for well over twenty years, before I lapsed. I was so unhappy and when intimate relationships between ceased, I sought a bit of occasional solace when I went away on my business jaunts.
In a similar way, I strayed in my previous relationships, AFTER the ladies in question strayed first. And it is exactly the same with my latest marriage, as you will see in the coming days.
As for Dave, you seem to have conveniently forgotten the fact that not only have I supported him, both emotionally and financially for many years, but that everyone, from his own brother, to his close Doctor friend, and all my AA colleagues, have advised me that I am doing the right thing and it may be Dave’s only hope for survival. I think your judgment here is extremely harsh. I still believe that Bob’s motives in disagreeing with this course of action were entirely cynical and self seeking, and he has told me on a number of occasions that he fully expects Dave to die soon, so “why not get his tapes done before he goes?”
I am now alone through choice. I didn’t have to leave my wife, I didn’t have to throw my last lady out (well hardly ‘throw” as she left a lot richer than she arrived, complete with a new motorcycle and notebook computer), and yes, as ever I was fooled into believing she may be different, but she clearly wasn’t and never stopped trying to tap me up for money, even though I paid her a very generous monthly allowance, had flown her to see her mother in Surat Thani and bought many clothes and other stuff for her and her family.
I have already tried to explain that depression and alcoholism are illnesses, and I would have hoped that some allowance may have been made for my condition when judging me and casting me as some kind of evil bastard.
Finally Stephanie, if my blog continues to bring out so much anger in you, I respectfully suggest that you stop reading it, as it would much more beneficial for you to be happy, joyous and serene in your life than continually getting yourself all worked up over some pathetic old alcoholic’s foolish exploits.
MOBI’S STORY – (PART 29)
THE RETIREMENT YEARS (CONTINUED)
In the end, it wasn’t quite as bad as I had first feared when I sat on that bench in the Arrivals area, waiting in the increasingly vain hope that Mei would appear and carry me off to my new life of bliss.
I didn’t know what to do, and what is more, I suddenly realised, with a sinking feeling in my stomach, that I didn’t even know how to find the house that I ‘thought’ I had bought.
I kept trying to call her, and after about ten minutes, to my total surprise, I was through and I could hear her beautiful voice on my mobile. A voice a few moments earlier I feared I would never hear again. I asked her where she was, and she told me that she was at the new house and couldn’t come to the airport because she was too tired! She told me to get a taxi and meet her there. I told her I didn’t know the way, but after I flagged a cab, I got him to speak to her and I was at long last on my way.
At this point I had mixed feelings. I was still pretty upset that she hadn’t come to meet me, and couldn’t understand her ‘reason’ for not coming. But on the other hand, she hadn’t disappeared with all my money, and I was now on my way to my new home, my new wife, and a new life.
We took a few wrong turns, and had terrible trouble finding the house in the pitch dark in such massive “moo bahn” , but we eventually found it, by which time I was utterly exhausted.
Mei didn’t seen particularly happy to see me, didn’t rush over and hug the wounded beloved and benefactor, and was almost offhand in her attitude. I couldn’t help showing my annoyance at her failure to meet me, especially when considering the trouble it had taken me to find the place. She summarily dismissed my protests, and just said that she had been very busy getting the house sorted, and was too tired to make such a long journey.
There was a Thai guy hanging around, doing some work on the house, and I wondered at his presence this late at night. Mei introduced him to me as her cousin, and told me he had been supervising the work being done on the house.
She had certainly spent a lot of money and the house was pretty much finished. The kitchen was fitted out, as was the lounge and bedrooms, and we even had UBC satellite television up and running.
I was starving and we agreed to go out for a meal. The cousin came along and I drove the Jeep, which had apparently caused much trouble when Mei had returned to Loei to sort out the house repairs up there. During the meal I couldn’t help noticing the surreptitious exchange of glances and smiles that kept taking place between Mei and the ‘cousin.’ I started to wonder what was going on.
Back at the house, again I noticed the exchange of glances, and even more apparent was the misery on the face of the cousin when he left us for the night. It seemed he didn’t want to go.
When I finally hit the sack, Mei unaccountably put a large bolster pillow between us and refused to touch me. I was too exhausted to think too much about it and fell into a deep sleep.
Upon awakening, I found that Mei had been up for ages and was busy cooking a meal. The ‘cousin’ was back, and I told Mei that I wanted to collect a lot stuff that I had left at my friend’s house in Bangkok, before I went to the UK. Her cousin offered the services of his pickup truck and off we went.
Back at the house, I found Mei in in an increasingly bad mood, and she found fault with everything I said, and seemed determined to make my life miserable and fight me at every turn.
I was sick, confused, and becoming increasingly distraught. What was she up to? Had I done anything to cause this change in behaviour? What was going on with this so-called cousin? I had spent millions on buying and furnishing a new house for us to live in, yet she seemed so ungrateful and angry at me for some unaccountable reason, and there was a complete absence of any sign of affection from her. My mood turned very ominous and grim.
In a desperate attempt to make her happy and to try to make things right, I suggested that we drive to Central Department store in Bang Na and do some shopping, and buy her the new ‘up market’ mobile phone, which she had been pestering me for. She begrudgingly accepted my offer and off we went. I duly bought the expensive mobile, and some other stuff that she wanted, and then we went into another telecom shop to see what could be done about setting up a internet connection using a mobile sim card, but for some unaccountable reason she suddenly went berserk with me and stormed out of the shop
Later I decided to have an early night and suggested Mei join me. Maybe we could make it up in bed. She followed me upstairs, and after showering, once again placed the bolster between us on the bed.
I exploded. We had a terrible row and I accused her of not wanting to sleep with me, and demanded to know what was going on. Mei was also a feisty person, and she stormed back at me and she tried to justify everything she was doing. It was all complete nonsense, and as I countered all her arguments with common sense and logic, she at length told me that she couldn’t stay there anymore, and got dressed and went down stairs. She asked me for the keys to the Jeep. I asked her where she was going, but she just said that she had to get away from me and the house because she was sick and couldn’t sleep there. I refused to give her the car keys, despite her entreaties over and over again to give them to her, but I wouldn’t have it. If she took the car I would be stranded there. So in the end she stormed off in an even bigger rage, and walked down the road towards the main gate.
After a few minutes I decided there was no way I could stay in that isolated house alone, and I got into the car to drive into Bangkok and get really pissed. I met Mei on the way, still walking, and offered her a lift the main entrance, where she could get a taxi, but she refused, so I drove off.
I wasn’t to know it at that time, but as I made my way to the bars in Bangkok , that was the very last time that I was to set eyes on Mei.