Today I have been sober for 111 days.
Sorry, but I have been a bit preoccupied.
So what has been happening? Well the big news is that I am now alone once again, and I can’t tell you how good it feels. I finally saw her off with all her goods and chattels at around 4.30 yesterday afternoon, and it all went off with virtually no recriminations, but it goes without saying that a small Bag of Baht helped to soften the blow.
I have been pottering around in my condo, all night and all day, just sorting things out, and simply reveling in getting my place back again. I hardly slept all night, which must demonstrate the kind of the mental state I have been in of late. Anyway, thank God she’s gone. What a ridiculous and expensive mistake. Let’s hope that she was the very last one – but don’t hold your breath!
I have also been obsessed with finding a decent body shop to fix all the bumps and scratches on my car which were inflicted during my drunken days. I have been driving around Pattaya for several days, following “leads” that various folk have given me, and every have day drawn a complete blank. Then on Thursday, after another couple of hours of searching, I completely lost my concentration and in quick succession: knocked over a parked motorcycle and barely a few minutes later, having dealt with that little fracas, I had an ‘argument’ with a cement truck who refused to get out of the way when I tried to drive down the inside lane.
So from not having added a single nick to my car since I stopped drinking, I had now added considerably to my “scratch index” by badly crunching no less than 3 out of four doors.
The only ray of light on the car horizon is that yesterday, I finally found a guy off Sukhumvit, near Pattaya Klang, who seems to know what he is doing, so I will take the car in on Monday and hope for the best.
And then to cap it all, I received an email from Thai Visa yesterday advising me that they are going to discontinue hosting their blog portal, and that I had better find another host. This didn’t come as a big surprise, as my blog is the only active blog on their portal, but their decision could have been timed a little better.
I have been contacting alternative hosts, with a view to getting my blog moved, along with all the blog history. So I’ll keep you informed how this progresses.
I have not been to a meeting in two days, so I must go tomorrow.
MOBI’S STORY – (PART 23)
THE RETIREMENT YEARS (CONTINUED)
The note written on 4th October, 2002 on “my problem” that I reproduced in my Blog on 13th December, is the last account I can find of all the stuff I wrote during that period. I have no idea what has happened to the rest of my notes – they must have been deleted in error. I know I continued to write on a more or less regular basis, and certainly I wrote quite a lot of very traumatic stuff that happened during the period immediately leading up to my departure from the marital abode in 2003. I know I am not dreaming, for many of these notes became the basis for my divorce petition, and copies were handed over to my lawyer.
In retrospect, it may be just as well that my records have gone missing at this time, as there were some events that took place during that time that I am not prepared to put on this blog, so my notes would have had to be edited, and that may have proved quite difficult.
The climax came in the Spring of 2003.
My wife and I went to Thailand yet again on 1st April for another holiday at our house in Bang Saen. We left our daughter back in England, as she was studying for her forthcoming school exams. She was just completing her first year at her new school, and the examinations were very important to determine her predicted grades for her forthcoming “A” levels in a year’s time.
I have little recollection of the three week holiday, but I remember well the drive home and the welcome Samantha received from my wife when we eventually got there. We had parked our car in one of the Heathrow Hotel car parks during our time away, and once we arrived at the hotel to collect the car, my wife had developed the most foul mood imaginable. I have no idea what had got into her – except maybe jet lag lack of sleep. She found fault with everything I did, from retrieving the car from the parking area and just about anything else that she could think of.
By the time we finally got under way along the M25, she had been fighting and snarling at me non –stop for over an hour, and I’d had enough and shouted back at her. That seemed to finally stop her noise, and I drove the entire journey in stony silence. She just sat there and fumed – no doubt planning some kind of revenge.
When we arrived home, Samantha was there to greet us with a lovely welcoming smile on her face. We went indoors, and I could see immediately that Samantha had made a sterling effort to tidy up the house and make everything spick and span. But we had barely put down our suitcases when my wife went for her. She shouted and screamed that she was a dirty, lazy and irresponsible person, and how dare she leave the house in such a state? She then went around the house with a fine toothcomb, finding ridiculously petty things to complain about. Samantha was none too impressed and fled to her room, and I lost my temper once again and told my wife what I thought of her intolerable behaviour. We had a huge row, and she said some very hurtful things and stormed off to bed.
I knew then, that just like the other day when I wrote in this blog about my latest girlfriend, it was no longer a question of “if” but “when”.
During the next day or so there was an uneasy peace, but it all soon flared up again when my wife discovered that during our absence Samantha had allowed her boyfriend to come into our house. My wife went ballistic (Samantha was 17 years old at this time), and immediately banned Samantha from ever seeing him again. As far as Samantha was concerned, this was the final straw, and she left that evening and went to stay with her boy friend at his parents’ home. I kept in contact with Samantha by telephone, and the next day went to meet with her. I told her that she had my total support, and that she shouldn’t worry about anything.
At long last I had started to stand up to my wife, and I told her that her daughter had moved out and that I would support her. My wife was not at all happy but ever the practical one, within a short time she seemed to accept the situation. This meant that she would still try to keep in touch with her daughter and send her things to her new home, and even invite her around now and again for a meal. She had previously adopted a similar attitude with my eldest daughter who also left home at a similar age, and I guess she assumed that she would achieve the same result – an eventual permanent return to the family home. My little Noi was never happy if she didn’t have total control over her family.
But my mind was set, and at the first opportunity – I believe my wife went away for a few days – I went to see a divorce lawyer at one of the top law firms in Peterborough. I gave the Lawyer a brief background to my problems, and then gave her all my “problem” notes to read, which she did, then and there. After she had finished reading, she told me that Noi’s intolerable conduct over many years gave me extremely strong grounds for divorce, citing unacceptable behaviour and mental cruelty.
The lawyer gave me an idea of the potential costs involved, and requested a substantial deposit. Once I had paid over that money, as far as I was concerned, the die was set, and there would be no turning back.
But I had much to plan and much to do, if I was to get out of this marriage with anything except the shirt on my back.
I started some serious planning – in between some increasingly serious drinking.