Pattaya, 1st November 2009

Today, I have been sober for 63 days.

I have been “Happy Joyous and Free”, (well, “Free” anyway), for 17 days now, and I am pleased to report that I seem to have got over the worst of my depression, and in general terms I am still “hanging together”.

Today I put the last ‘touches’ to my condo:  tidying up internet telephone lines and other wires, installing alarms on the front door, and balcony patio doors, and generally putting everything away. The only thing now remaining to do is to give then place a thorough vacuum and clean up and it’ll look as good as it is ever going to.

Then I can start trashing it again.

Yesterday I installed a hose system on the balcony so that I could easily water the huge number of pot plants that I have out there. At the other end of the balcony to the water source there are a dozen large pot plants , and it was quite a burden to carry buckets back and forth. Fortunately the floor of the terrace is covered with artificial grass, so I was able to run the hose under the ‘grass’,  thus it is largely out of sight. This little project was sparked by the sudden shock I received a couple of days ago when I noticed that all my plants were dying, and at least two looked like they were dead! I had forgotten that plants need regular watering. Anyway I watered them like crazy, and I am pleased to note that even the “dead” ones are starting to show signs of life as a few fresh, green leaves are appearing on the water-starved, dried out stems, so maybe I made it in the nick of time.

Or maybe my “higher Power” chipped in with a helping hand.

In general teams my lethargy is still a problem, and I am not yet living the kind active of life that I would like to live, but I do feel that I am slowly making progress and hope that  it will come in time.

The morning AA meetings still remain the “cornerstone” of my day (and life) and they seem to keep me anchored to reality, and most importantly, get me up in the mornings.

However the evening meetings seem to have gone by the board for quite a while now, and for some strange reason I feel guilty about this. I know the folks there will wonder what has happened to me, and will be fearing the worst, so I need to attend at least one evening meeting to show them that I am still sober, and that I am still attending daily meetings, albeit not theirs. Every day, I resolve to go, and every day for one reason or another I fail to make it. And the crazy part is that I am now only ten minutes drive away. Maybe today is the day.

I hadn’t heard a ‘dickey bird’ from my wife since I left home, so a couple of days ago I decided to send an email to a friend whose wife is quite friendly with my wife. I simply asked him if he or his wife had  heard anything from my wife or knew whether she was at home, as I had sent a couple of sms messages to her, but hadn’t received any reply.

He replied the next day that my wife had been away but was now back home, and that she agreed to sell the house but had a number of questions and issues that needed resolution, and of course…. she was asking for money.

Since then, I have been involved in a round of email correspondence, using my friend and his wife as intermediaries, and am currently awaiting a reply to my proposal on the best way to get the house up for sale and the house expenses paid without having to involve my wife directly in handling the money.

So it is early days, and I am not getting too excited yet awhile. If she starts playing games, then I will just give up and leave her to it. My health and welfare are more important to me than the money to be gained from selling the house, and I will truly walk away from this whole affair if she tries to make it too difficult and starts prevaricating and arguing the toss.

It will feel so good when I can finally put this whole sorry episode behind me.

Tomorrow I will write the final episode of “The Insurance Years’, before rapidly moving on within the next few days to “The Retirement Years”.

7 thoughts on “Pattaya, 1st November 2009”

  1. Keep going my friend. You have dug deep this time. do not waste this huge emotional delving,. make it count and enjoy the rest of your life untethered by alchohol or bad wives. when your heart is pure good things will happen for sure. good luck to you. X David


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